This week marks the final time our couples will dance together. We’ve come to know and love them as such, but after Thursday’s eliminations show, the dancers will draw the name of their new partners out of some random dude’s hat. Where does that hat come from, anyway? A crew member, perhaps? Cat always looks thrilled to be holding it, her thoughts undoubtedly centered upon locating a bottle of Purell.

This week The Robson’s on the panel, meaning he will harshly judge anyone who dances in a way that he wouldn’t choreograph. The kid cleans up nice! Very Justin Timberlake, the whole thing … rather suspect, Robson, seeing as how you and JT are so tizz-ight. Mary’s back to sell more tickets on the hot tamale train before running off to a dance competition herself ... OK, well if she's not, then you explain that whole getup. Anyone who wears that (black and white giraffe print, handless full-length gloves, plastic white bracelet over said gloves) is practically asking for attention. Remember a few weeks back when Jessi got sick and Tony Meredith's assistant Melanie was summoned to the front-line? Mary must have figured it was because she wasn't properly attired. But now, she’s ready to be on deck at a moment’s notice – crisis averted! And did Nigel … get a haircut ... AND a new suit? This is just adding fuel to those Wikipedia rumblings that he’s dating Priscilla Presley. Her main thrill in life must be a makeover.

The Robson explained that tonight, he’d like to see “humans telling life stories through dance.” Wade, I understand you’re in your personal search for understanding the themes of life and blah blah blah, but don’t do it on a TV show where people call in and vote for the guy they think is hot. ‘Nuff said.
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The Question O' The Week: What do the dancers think of their partners? I know; I, too, would have to wait for Jaimie and Hok’s answers, le grrrr! Instead we started off with Sabra and Dominic, who never fail to simultaneously make me laugh and cry. Apparently Sabra digs that Dominic is funny and crazy, but can’t stand that he drops her ALL THE TIME. “What is she talking about, I never drop her,” Dominic mulled, as a montage of really bad Sabra drops are peppered across the screen. It was so Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken – all I wanted to do was yell “AGAIN!” at the TV as she took another dive. According to Dominic, Sabra’s best qualities are her good-smelling pouffy hair and that she trusts him completely, which at this point, I would doubt on the latter.

The pair drew the jive out of The Hat and really pulled the audience in. In yet another SYTYCD wardrobe malfunction, Sabra lost both earrings. She’s way too fierce for those things anyway – they’re just cramping her style. I’m not sure how it’s possible that as great of a performer that Dominic is, Sabra manages to out-dance him. I’m really excited for next week to see Sabra paired with someone new. D’s adorable, but she kicks serious tokus.
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I anticipated Jaimie and Hok's answers to the QOTW a lot more than their routine. Jaimie said she loves that Hok’s uniqueness – how he looks Japanese yet has a British accent and COOKS ITALIAN FOR HER AT NIGHT. Hello, relationship! The only part that sucks is that she sometimes chokes on his … (wait for it) … braids. Fooled you! Hok digs that Jaimie’s hair is so soft …like a dog’s! All I could think about was When Harry Met Sally … “Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?” She is; she is the dog. And, way to try and talk in Japanese about your lady friend and pull the wool over our eyes, Mr. Just-Like-John-Mayer-Talking-About-Jessica-Simpson-On-The-Grammys-Red-Carpet, but apparently we have a translator who explains that Hok feels too short next to Jaimie when she's in heels. Meh, could be worse. Did you want rigatoni or linquini tonight, chickpea?

In the Broadway piece that last year's runner-up Travis Wall choreographed for them, Hok is supposed to be an old man who wishes he could dance like Jaimie. The only problem was that he looked a lot younger than Jaimie, so it didn’t really work. I get the premise, just it didn’t execute. I think they did with the piece what they could, and looked beautiful, but the choreography’s theme was flawed as was wardrobe. Plus that song … I mean “Mr. Bojangles”? The routine was more like "Mrs. Robinson." The song made me want to sleep, which was a total bummer – I wanted some happier Broadway (jazz hands not necessary).

Hok was made to feel like he didn’t execute well, but it wasn’t his fault. The kid doesn’t have Jaimie’s training and this just played more into her field than his. Wade felt like the piece tried but just didn’t reach a communicative point with the audience. Sadly, I predict bottom three for these two.
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Next up was my very favorite routine of the night. Maybe it’s living in NYC, maybe it’s being around hipsters all the time, maybe it’s my lifelong obsession with Queen, but I loved every second of this one. OK, maybe I should talk about it now or something.

While Sara and Pasha have only been together two weeks, they already had serious issues with one another, and both seemed to involve fighting over the bathroom. Either whined how the other took forever to get ready to do anything. Girls, let’s just have a pillow fight, paint each other’s toenails and call it a day, k?

It was the return of Mandy Moore (now the only blonde version) to bring a jazz routine with suspenders and – you guessed it – jazz hands. I cringed. These two are great dancers both as individuals and together, but who knew what this routine was going to end up as. As soon as Queen’s “Body Language” came on, it was going to be OK. Sign of relief! Not only did the two kids jump straight out of an American Apparel ad and use lots of jazz hands, but the piece was quirky and unexpected. Frankly, I don’t know what they did, but I liked it! Mary said they probably wouldn’t be safe because of the other great performances surely to be ahead … logic we all would question later. But Nigel gave them props for their beatnik style and achievement in the piece, so it remains to be seen how they did.
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Next up were Lauren and Neil.

What do they like about each other? Lauren likes everything about Neil, and Neil liked that Lauren was a good-looking guy, uh, wait, scratch that? No, he really did call Lauren a guy. Whoops.

The pair drew contemporary and worked with Mia Michaels to deliver a routine that only she could understand. Until last night’s performance, I had no idea that hipster scuba divers were the next new thing, but apparently I was behind the curve. Wade said the piece was well-executed musically with its many pauses, but it was difficult to see the facial expressions through the goggles. Mary had no idea what the story was, but was rather fond. Naturally, Nigel didn’t like it (as Mia knowingly turned to her friend with a look) and told them he hoped they found their welding equipment soon (gosh, where could they possibly start searching – Jaimie, you klepto!).

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome."

Lauren rather saved the day, saying that because the piece had no story, it allowed the audience to make up their own; that it transcended a simple story and thus was more complicated and personal because it meant something different to every viewer. Well done, Lauren. That will now be my excuse whenever anyone doesn’t see things my way – first up, my editor! I’m seeing bottom three for these two because i just don't think America will "get it."
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Anya and Danny are lucky, because he’s a great dancer and she’s hot. Danny’s favorite aspect of Anya is her costumes (he refers to her bioluminescent one as The Lampshade), and Anya loves Danny’s style, though she tries to make him workout at night and “man up”. She’s such a tough chick, that former blonde. I’m secretly hoping her and Pasha get paired up and kick some serious butt.

Anya hurt herself last week, not that she’d ever physically show it. She was relieved – and then not, once seeing the choreography – to have the foxtrot. The routine had more lifts than her ankle would have liked, but Anya never complained.

Wade got into it, saying he had this whole thing prepared based on Danny’s performance in previous weeks, but that tonight he really felt connected to him for the first time. I’m going to go out on a limb here and wonder if that was the speech The Robson had been preparing no matter what else happened. Marie cheered on her favorite couple on the hot tamale train and Nigel mentioned something about emotion … oh who cares. It was good and there’s not much else I can say about it. They’ll probably just barely be safe, or bottom three, depending on how much the audience still loves Lacey and Kameron.
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Last but certainly not least were Lacey and Kameron.

So what do they like about each other? Apparently, not much outside of looks! While both consider the other to be good-looking, Kameron sweats too much on Lacey (ick) for her tastes, while her weave is in for so long that it smells bad! That’s just gross, girl. You're making Britney Spears look like she's Gisele Bundchen.

The two drew a hip-hop routine choreographed by Deadweight Dan which involved a schoolgirl who was nasty and led Kameron on but then he chose a random 13 year old from the audience who was 13 instead. How ‘bout them apples? When he wasn’t being a pedophile on national TV, Kameron was criticized by the judges for not holding his own during his solo – a little out of character, considering his previous awesome performances. The Robson felt the duo didn’t really connect to the music and weren’t in the pocket of the beat. Mary and Nigel didn’t really knock it, but figured the two would be safe just based on their likeability as a couple.
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Did last night’s show do it for you?

We’ve finally reached the point where anyone who goes, I’ll be saddened. Before it was, “Oh, there they go, but at least these other kids are staying” – but now, no one is safe. The real drama begins next week and it will be GLORIOUS.

So who will be bottom three? You know mine. Share yours!

And in other news, are you ready for Enrique Iglesias to perform on the show tonight? Sadly, when I now think Enrique, I think of Jimmy Fallon spoofs. That opening for the 2002 MTV Movie Awards was hilarious! Enjoy this classic SNL moment as tribute: