We usually kick these things off making fun of Cat’s fashion, but this fug gold Dynasty thing she’s wearing does not necessitate further comment..

Instead, we’ll comment on the chick in the background who gave Cat’s back end the look down during her intro. Jealous much? What a classic moment.

So during the opening number/intros, Neil walked over too early toward the girls. Anyone else notice that? That Danny shot him a look and Neil snapped back to doing the routine as per usual?

This week’s “jijes” were Nigel, Mary and Dan Karaty. Deadweight Dan judging the finale? Why don’t we just get Lil’ C in there?

They're so excited because it's almost over. Trust.

It was good to see Mary in good spirits, now that one of the weekly tabloids went and ran an article regarding her “personal time” a few weeks back. It turns out that her Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable cancer, and all this occurred after Mary had a benign tumor removed from her breast in May. In fact, the magazine said that what the program didn’t show was that after Mia’s routine Mary actually ran off stage and had to be consoled for 20 minutes before coming back. I’ll say this for her; she said she was having the time of her life and I sure hope so. I know “the show must go on” but I truly feel for her at the moment. Plus she called Nigel an “English muffin” so that’s just pretty awesome.

Yeah, all Nigel did was point out that America was voting in droves … yadda yadda yadda …finale will be amazing … he’ll be happy if anyone wins (you know, as long as it’s Danny) … hm, where have we heard this speech before?

Good to see Wade back. Whoever commented before that if I blinked I missed him in Monday’s program, rest assured I pried my eyes open with duct tape to catch every second of tonight's.

Random medley video. Meh. Made me miss everyone else who left. I forgot I’d started off this season on Team Shauna.
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Tonight's group routine was a Broadway piece. Nigel had said the choreographers would be stricter about staying in style, and this Cabaret number held true.

Get low, get low, get low.

How does Lacey somehow look a lot skankier in this garb than Sabra? Do the dancers have any say in what they wear? I realize it’s Cabaret but it’s just weird that the two girls seem dressed in totally different dimensions. But I guess I’m just bitter because my job doesn’t let me dress like that every day. So totally kidding there.

Nigel called out Lacey to actually use her partner instead of just hamming it up for the cameras. Like we need someone else giving us the Paris Hilton treatment, anyway. However, just saying everyone was “great” is not exactly giving us insight into their performances, Nigel.

“What more can I say that Nigel hasn’t already said…” trailed off Mary. Well, in actuality, since all Nigel did was say “great,” quite a lot!

Dan then went on some kick about how if these dancers can take it to a new level, it’s time to. Not sure if that new level is going to happen now when rehearsal time is all said and done, Dan. Your optimism is rather cute, though.
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After the opening number, we discovered Cat was going to do one-on-one chats with all the dancers. Yay? Can we again repeat how long two hours is for this program? If tomorrow has no performances, what the heck are they going to show, other than random musical performances? (Added note: Ryan Cabrera and Nicole Scherzinger or however you spell her name -- that chick from The Pussycat Dolls -- will be performing. No Christina Aguilera? Bummer!)

Lacey was first, and we basically learned she was a flake. She explained that she was made to dance by her family bribing her with Barbies every time she competed, then quit dance twice to go to hair school, and basically only when she got jealous of Benji and his attention on the show did she go back to dancing. She even paired with him because he was the only one who would dance with her ... um, yeah.

Should America’s favorite dancer be a quitter? Sure we all go through phases where we question what we want to do, but quitting is a totally different mindset than taking time off to pursue other options. If something is your passion, it doesn’t have an on-off switch. If she wins the show, watch her immediately quit dancing. Her whole interview turned me off to her and I really hope someone with a passion to continue dancing wins the whole shebang.
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Lacey’s solo was her best so far because she actually choreographed something, but the absence of shoes was mystifying. Isn’t ballroom easier with heels? Just asking. Her dress didn’t really work out either but stuff happens. It’s been pretty apparent that the dancers don’t have a chance to practice in costume at all, i.e. flying earrings and the like. And was the audience supposed to catch her? The producers must have worked something out, because otherwise why would all five guys in attendance at the taping be standing in the exact spot where she fell? Questionable.

Afterwards, Nigel told Lacey to stop making faces at the cameras and to be an honest dancer. I couldn’t agree more. Mary said Lacey’s solos are generally weak but that’s to be expected by a ballroom dancer. But since this is the last performance episode, let’s keep it real: Mary knows this is a solo competition, she’s partial to ballroom dancers, and she’s compensating when Lacey doesn’t need compensation. She’s a great dancer whose solos are the weakest of the other three dancers due to style, but that’s it. It’s like how they always say Sabra’s only been dancing for 4 years; since Sabra’s pretty amazing, she doesn’t exactly need the compensation, you know? If this is a solo competition (as Nigel always says), then let that speak for itself. Naturally, Dan said nothing of relevance.
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Sabra and Neil doing Shane Sparks hip-hop! This is going to be awesome!

Hilarious how Neil needed assistance to learn how to grind on Sabra. It makes me think Neil is a good boy who probably doesn’t grind on too many people. Somehow, this makes me like him more. But, of course, Neil says that asking him to be sexy is like asking Nigel to be British – who needs acting?!

Sadly, I was rather unimpressed with the routine; it must have been the choreography mixed with the dancers' fatigue. Neil was dancing really high up, but the girls with heart-shaped NEIL RULZ! signs doubtfully noticed.

Sadly, the judges just kept saying the routine was fun, but doubtfully would stick with viewers. This, by comparison, would make the next routine look awesome. Sucks.
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Lacey and Danny next had the Viennese Waltz, and thusly spent most of rehearsal making fun of the choreographers’ speaking. It’s nice to see Danny coming out of his shell, but I sense he’s being corrupted by bad company. A-hem. Someone on the message boards also mentioned that Lacey took more balls to the face in this program than a fat kid playing dodgeball. Oh snap!

So despite that the duo danced to frickin' Avril “I don’t steal all my songs; they’re just blatant rip-offs of people I admire and then I take all the credit” Lavigne, the piece was great and I’ll hand it to them. Danny has turned out to be a graceful and strong partner; it’s impossible not to dance a sturdy and confident number with him. Then when Lacey leaned in at the end of the song, Danny pulled back slightly. My notes literally read, “Danny to Lacey: ‘Don’t get your herpes lips within 10 inches of mine!’” Sorry, a little rough – First Impressions!

Nigel commented to Lacey that her hand extension had improved, and Lacey said she had put Popsicle sticks in her gloves to practice. Leave it to Danny to call out Lacey out on it being a lie. Not sure he meant to, but when Lacey tried to cover her tracks, it just sounded fake. Oh, Danny wasn’t there? Did she sleep with them in? Puh-lease. She probably didn’t mean to dance, either. Whoops.
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One-on-one with Neil time was next. Neil David Haskell-hoff to be exact -- don't hassel the Hoff! He admitted he rather liked the screaming girls. Hello, who wouldn’t? Anyone remember Beatlemania? Never underestimate the power of the screaming girls.
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I’m totally throwing this out there: Neil’s solo was his best yet. The full twist was a new stunt we haven’t seen yet. He has become so much more mature in this process. They grow up so fast, sniff sniff.
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“We are not velociraptors”

Next up was Wade choreographing a jazz number for Sabra and Lacey revolving around a mother fox and a baby fox. Best part of rehearsals: Wade’s realization that the scarves in the girls’ mouths shut them up. Geez the routine hasn’t even started yet and it already looks adorable.

So it wasn’t as good and Jaimie and Hok’s flower/hummingbird number, but Wade’s influences appear to be similar. I really liked it (even though Sabra’s lines were better than Lacey’s). So imagine my shock when, expecting the judges’ praises, they all went into this “How can we critique THIS? THIS is weird and out of context for the finale.”

THIS IS SO AWKWARD!!

Then Lacey latched onto Sabra with her “Look, we’re BFFs mugging for the camera!” shtick/huge grin and it just made me wish she’d dry up and blow away. Seriously.
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Danny’s one-on-one didn’t really tell anything new. We knew about his adopted mom, Denise, already, so he was still rather closed off; or he’d just spent so much time in a studio his whole life he didn’t have much else to talk about except his family and dance.
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Danny’s solo must have been when he decided that he wouldn’t let Neil have all the tumbling glory. So You Think You Can Tumble? I’d totally watch that. That circle of split leaps he did was just impeccable. I’d actually have no qualms if Danny won. None in the slightest.

Only question: Why’d he use the Gavin DeGraw version of “We Are the Champions”? It sounded like he probably used the Queen version (or a different song entirely) and then the producers found one that they had to pay less money to air.
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So as if Danny weren’t tired enough, then it was his and Neil’s turn to do their Mia Michaels contemporary. Two princes at arms? This is too perfect. All through rehearsals Neil did amazing split leaps over Danny. All the lifts looked amazing. I couldn’t wait!

Danny wasn't exactly acting.

It must have been a lack of practice time because the leaps and lifts didn’t quite come together. Not that the routine still wasn’t fantastic; just you could tell that the transitions were a little rough between the moves.

Since all the judges loved it, it seemed a little Danny-3, Neil-2.
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Sabra’s one-on-one really gave us new info. Being born in the Netherlands, growing up in Germany and then moving to the United States -- she was a military brat whose been everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. For the first time, we saw behind-the-scenes footage of Sabra not in a rehearsal or directly before/after a routine. There she was, hanging out with all the other dancers, having a great time … and where was Lacey? Nowhere to be seen? Surprise surprise.
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As Sabra danced her solo in a Lilly Pulitzer sequined bikini, I was impressed. I definitely liked her solo as the tops of the girls.

It was interesting that Dan said he felt Dominic had been carrying her through the competition -- you know, except when Dominic clearly wasn’t carrying her and was instead dropping her on her head. He was surprised that she could actually hold her own. Has he not been watching this show at all?
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Up next were Lacey and Neil to do a Lindy Hop number.

But all I could think is I’d love to see Benji do this. Benji would kill this.

Look, it's My Size Tragedy Ann and Andy!

All the judges liked it, but I rather didn’t. That’s not an easy dance to learn by any means by they were too off from one another to pull me in. When Dan said it was dancing at its best, I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
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Sabra and Danny were the last to be paired (for the first time and last time ever!) to do the Cha Cha. Melanie La Patin choreographed (you’ll remember she usually assists Tony Meredith and filled in for Jessi in her and Pasha’s routine way back).

This is why we're hot.

Sabra seems exhausted. And the dance’s counts looked uber tricky. Good thing there was a Matrix pause and a second half to kick it up a notch. Sabra’s back sure is muscular, dear lord. Nigel said it was magical, Mary liked the second half, and Dan said it was great (but are we surprised at all?).
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Frankly, who do you want to win $250,000? What would they do with that money? Open their own dance school? Pay their rent for the next few years as they strove to be professional dancers in a major city? Buy all the hair extensions in the world? Who knows.

Voting is done and it’s all up to chance.

What we do know is tonight is the last night our show will air this season, so tune in! Nigel will dance with Cat! Who wouldn’t want to TiVo that?

Final verdicts: Who’s going to win it all now?