As America's Got Talent starts this week Jerry Springer's voice lets us know that we are watching the Number One Most Popular Show in America. I thought it was the second most popular, but mere facts should not get in the way of a potential voiceover opportunity! 55 million people watched this show last week. 55 million people. Holy hockey, that is the entire population of France. Can you imagine our bereted amies dropping their vin rouge and eggs en cocotte to watch... aw crap. I can't remember who was on last week. Man, these lame auditions totally blew my punchline. Forget it.

Auditions continue. My patience? Not so much. The judges are back in New York's convention center. As I may have mentioned, the Javits Center is ridiculously far from the subway. And I thank the good Lord every time I see the crowd shot from the AGT auditions. All this criss-crossing the country and repeat visits really puts a crimp in my material. The producers remind us of the shenanigans that happened the last time the auditions were in New York. Which is helpful, because who can remember four weeks ago in this heat? As the judges are introduced, their shiny scowly visages are interlaced with clips of the Acts That Touched Them the Most (in New York.) There was Nuttin' But Stringz, the Cutest Littlest Girl in the World, the Stripping Trombone Dancer Dude, and the Ozzie Impersonator. During the intro, Jerry Springer keeps repeating that this is the last trip to New York. This is the last time the show will be here. This is the lastchance for the contestants to impress the judges here. It is all very ominous. And promising. Does this mean we might actually be nearing the end of the interminable auditions?

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