Serena spends the episode freaking out on Lily for, as she sees it, bowing down to her husband's every wish and trying to sell their mythical family unity as a PR stunt. She engages in some of her more immature, less attractive snottiness to date, as though this were suddenly a show about actual high school students. After she gives a truly disgusting display at a housewarming party, in front of InStyle, always-level Eric informs Lily about how, in fact, she has been a terrible parent all along, leaving her children to raise themselves. Bart is once again the good guy -- for now -- and Lily apologizes to Serena for turning her into a sociopath. Serena's like, "Whatever, it's cool."

Oh, and Eric has an adorable new boyfriend and haircut. Dan's got his hands busy with his new BF(F) Nate, who he learns is roughing it at the now-abandoned Archibald building. Scared sick, he pulls a total Humphrey about it and tries to ambush Nate into playing Ricky to his Angela Chase, which causes Nate to run screaming into the night. Rufus, of course, is all, "You know what Vanessa would say. We must stalk them, and break into their houses, and capture them, and in this way we honor them." But for once, the Brooklyn bull and lack of boundaries plays out positively, which is weird but nice: After a run-in and pretty awesome make-up talk with Serena, Dan finds Nate and brings him home, like a lost gay puppy.

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