Vanessa and Nate play out Gift Of The Magi, but unsurprisingly get each other the same retarded thing: tickets to the opera, where of course the entire cast is going to be, including Blair's gay dads. Of course Nate's tickets are like a hundred billion times better than V's, and of course she makes a mess of it, and of course nobody cares and nobody ever will, although Dan and Nate are back to being bros. (Sweet!) Meanwhile, Lily formally debuts Rufus into society, and he does even worse than you think, but with both better hair and funnier ignorance shtick than you might hope; best of all, Chuck calls Rufus Lily's mistress.

Mes deux papas français Harold and Roman come bearing Yale colors and a Yale bulldog for B, talking about Gilmore Girls and giving B the opportunity to talk shit about Rory Gilmore before dragging her off to the opera. Meanwhile, she's become obsessed with the new English teacher -- to the negatory, while Serena is girlcrushing all over her -- who stupidly gives her like a 99% and thus gets herself blood vendetta'd. At the last second, after a painfully hassle-tastic two hours, B apologizes sincerely for the first time since her unholy birth, but it's too late: Miss Carr has reported her minor inconvenience to the new fake Headmistress "Queller," and B is put under some mysterious "detention" thing that sounds like she's going to be picking up trash on the highway or spearing beavers for their fur in Quebec or, I don't know, saving the Brooklyn Inn with Abrams.

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