So this is it. By the end of tonight we'll know the Top 12. But first, eight contestants -- Tatiana's eyes locked on the camera like a hawk staring at a rabbit -- will sing, for no reason at all. While Ryan does his very dramatic intro, Simon makes fun of him off-camera, so part of his big "this is American Idol" speech is a very dramatic and awesome, "Simon. Be quiet." Then he says it's good to be with us again. He's wearing a really well-cut, angular three-piece with jeans and no tie; that one guy is wearing an ugly cardigan, Paula's dressed like a Bratz doll with pink leopard and a bright pink scarf, and Simon's wearing a lovely baby blue sweater. That guy we used to acknowledge boos when they say Simon's name but he is too stupid to have a reason why.

And here they are: Jesse looking lovely and normal, Matt G dressed like Marlene Deitrich for some reason, Megan all kinds of tarted up, Von looking and being completely fantastic as always but with a little more gayface than usual, Jasmine wearing a lovely evening gown even though it's like barely the cocktail hour, Ricky Braddy being spazzy as ever, Tatiana looking like the opening credits of a telenovela called Tatiana La Loca, and then Anoop, still bemused as to why he's here.

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