HHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winner, winner, winner! Incredible! Helio Castroneves has a new trophy! You could see from his first night out on the dance floor that if any man was going all the way, it was Helio. That guy’s smile totally melts me. I knew he could pull it off. He is charismatic, endearing, genuine and adorable. Dangerous combo? Not with this guy. No one deserved it more (sorry, Mel Brown).

The race car driver from Brazil outdanced and outshined every other star. He dropped Julianne like she was hot (literally - not last night, but twice before - and let’s face it, she is). He’s like America’s sweet tart, the foreign exchange boy next door. Helio and Julianne danced their quickstep again last night to get another perfect score. Last night was the third time they quickly stepped, the second time they kissed (this time was a long one... yowza!) and the first time I ever worried for him (dumb). AND Julianne Hough is now a back-to-back winner! High fives all around!

Ah, the finals have finally arrived. It was highly anticipated, and only fell slightly short of all my expectations. Last night, the very last three danced a dance they were told to, then threw the rule book at the judges and did dips, flips and naughty things to each other in the dance we’ve been waiting all season to see: the freestyle. The contestants got to choose their very own music, outfits and moves. There was no dance step too controversial to be showcased in these unique performances.

No one scored perfect last night, a fact that I found a bit funny for the last night these stars had to showcase their talents (or ultimate lack thereof). Although the scores weren’t up to par, the rankings were to be expected.

Well crap. Of course Marie Osmond was going to make it to the finals. It’s all those Osmonds, I’m telling you. I knew when she was the first contestant announced safe that either Jennie Garth or Helio Castroneves were going home. Sure enough, Melanie Brown was announced safe next leaving...Jennie and Helio. Poor Jennie. Gone is the real girl whom everyone in the crowd could relate to. I don’t think she would have won, but I definitely think she deserved a real shot.

And of course we don’t know if Helio really joined Jennie in the bottom two or if ABC simply rigged it that way to make us all sweat. As the last man standing, Helio certainly earned his spot in the finals. And so did Mel. Marie even said herself that if she makes it to the finals, she owes it all to the fans. This is a dancing competition, not a popularity contest. Oh wait. It’s reality television.

Last night’s show was full of high expectations and anticipated surprises. The semi-finals are as good a time as ever to really whip it out and give it all you’ve got, which the four remaining stars certainly did. Our leaders proved they are worthy of the top spots when they took home two perfect scores each. Lady third also snagged a perfect score, her first ever, nice timing. And our bottom feeder (that sounds bad, but you know what I mean), remains in the bottom spot.

Every contestant last night had the opportunity to choose their own dances, one ballroom, one Latin. And they chose pretty wisely. The scores were all high, the performances were all amazing, the stars all stepped it up and kicked each other’s butts (some obviously more than others). It was definitely special to see how each dance took on new dimensions the second time. I was wondering how the professionals would switch the dances up and tweak the elements to make them unique from the first time they were danced. I saw some of the same moves (duh, each dance has signature moves), but overall the dances last night were new, improved and hotter than ever. Bonus: head judges Len Goodman visited each contestant to help them work out their kinks for their Latin dances. I couldn’t wait to see how those panned out.

As soon as Marie Osmond was announced safe early on in the show, I knew immediately that we would have to say goodbye to either Jennie Garth or Cameron Mathison. And I was right. No longer will we have the pleasure of gazing at Cameron’s Super edible chest or envying Edyta’s flawless figure. I don’t think his dismissal had much shock value, but I will miss him nonetheless. He improved light years over the course of the last eight weeks, and even though he never snagged a 10, I always enjoyed watching him.

Once again, the bottom two were left shrouded in mystery. Mel Brown, one of the best dancers ever in the history of the show, joined Cameron, the long-limbed enthusiastic improver and Jennie, the dark horse who just might snatch up the trophy, in the unlucky three, shall we say? Jennie has never hung her head in the shame that can only be found inches from elimination, did she join Cameron in the bottom two? Or was it Mel? Thanks to ABC’s sneaky little twist, we’ll never know. After Sabrina Bryan got the boot, anything’s possible.

The heat is on. Only a week away from the semi-finals, the contestants are feeling the pressure to outperform each other, and it shows. Last night the stars completed the last of all 10 dances. With their performances all rounded out, the contestants have showed off every move of every dance. Following in last week’s dance steps, most of the stars received higher scores for their second dances last night. Whoever survives this week gets to choose which ballroom and Latin dances they will repeat next week.

In the eighth week of the competition, Helio Castroneves got the first and only perfect score of the night (and his first ever, nice timing), which sped him to the head of the pack. Poor Cameron Mathison is the only remaining contestant to never receive a single 10. Could he pull off an ultimate score if he sticks around another week? Maybe if he pulled off his shirt once and for all... (Len would surely recoil in disgust ... or is it envy?).

Oh, no. Disaster has struck again (it was only a matter of time with the way this season has been going. I'd stay away from that ballroom floor if I were asked to perform). Marie Osmond was not present last night because her father, George Osmond, passed away yesterday morning. On Monday, she and Jonathan dedicated their army-inspired quickstep to Marie’s parents, who met after George’s return from World War II. Jonathan said last night that George was aware of the dedication and was for sure watching, and that Monday’s quickstep was a good way to say goodbye. I’m sure everyone’s thoughts are with Marie and her family in this time of loss and grief, and that everyone sends their best wishes for healing and strength.

Onto another contestant who faced one of life’s greatest struggles: Jane Seymour, who lost her mother the second week of the competition. Jane lacked enough votes from the fans to be sent home last night. Even in defeat, Ms. Seymour was gracious and well-spoken. Is anyone seriously that perfect? Regardless, Jane is gone, leaving more breathing room for contestants who can actually keep up with the rigorous requirements and ever-climbing expectations (I, of course, don’t mean everybody).

Last night’s results show was a little strange towards the end. The bottom two were not announced. Instead, Jane and Tony, Helio and Julianne, and Jennie and Derek were all left standing before the final break. When the show returned, Helio was announced safe, leaving Jane and Jennie to face their fates. Even though Jennie stood next to Jane in the final moments of the show, she may not have been the other star in the bottom two; it could have been Helio. I think that’s mean (to freak out two competitors), but at the same time, now Jennie and Helio will have to work even harder to evade the actual bottom two next week.

Sabrina Bryan was queen for a day (no, more like four weeks). Then she was garishly beheaded, thrown from her throne, betrayed by her subjects. Okay, that’s a little harsh, but that’s what it feels like (to some). Most of the stars last night showed their love for the fallen dancer by donning little cheetah paw tattoos. That is sweet. Curiously, there was no footage at the beginning of the show of Sabrina after being voted off. Hmm ... I wonder why that is?

Now Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown has taken over Sabrina’s reign as supreme in the fifth season of Dancing with the Stars. As we’ve all learned, being on top with the judges means absolutely nothing. Each star’s fate rests in the hands of YOU: the viewers, the voters!

So here we are in the seventh week of the competition with only six couples remaining (and for the first time in weeks, no fainting, no hospital trips, no losses of loved ones, no shockers). Each couple got the opportunity last night to dance a ballroom and a Latin dance they had not yet performed. Everybody gets a little taste of everything, and everybody definitely did better at one than the other. Marie and Jane drew the same two dances, and even though each prevailed at one dance, Marie trumped Jane, sending her way down to the bottom of the barrel ... again. I say take a hint and hit the road, Jack (I mean, Jane). Mel and Maksim took home another perfect score, but will it be enough to keep them from standing in the red light tonight?

WWWWWWHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTT?????????

I almost can’t even write up a review because I am in so much shock!!! Sabrina Bryan is gone. Her time on Dancing with the Stars has come to a rudely abrupt end in the sixth week of the competition. Who saw that one coming? For the first four weeks, she was the one to beat. She snagged the first perfect score and raised the bar above everyone else’s heads. Evidently the others have not only reached, but they have surpassed Sabrina’s standards of excellence.

The audience booed, the other stars gasped. Not even the judges could contain their utter shock. Carrie Ann looked like she was going to cry. Bruno seemed to be looking for whoever was responsible for sending Sabrina home so he could beat that person down. No, Sabrina’s performance last night was not great, but there were definitely others whose were worse (I think you know who I mean).

Holy high scores, Batman. Even more 10s were given out, and you know what that means... new leaders. What is going on in this competition? It’s crazy, you never know what to expect. This week the stars took on the opposite dance from previous weeks. Sabrina switched her cha cha for Helio’s fox trot, Mel and Cameron traded samba for rumba (and vice versa), and the others simply tried something new. There was no quickstep, Viennese waltz or tango present on the floor last night. Following each individual dance last night was a group dance created by world-renowned choreographer, Christian Perry.

With twice as many women as men left, poor Cameron and Helio have really got to stand their ground if they have any chance of beating out the four remaining ladies. And it ain’t gonna be easy. It’s going to be a battle to the very end. Each week could mean a new upset, there is no telling which way the cards will fall.

I can’t believe Mark Cuban made it five whole weeks! The weakest link has been eliminated, leaving seven sort-of stars to battle it out for the title of... Dancing with the Stars Champion? I think that’s the actual title, but whatever you want to call it, the winner will have a B-rate reality TV show trophy on his or her hands. Whoo hoo! (Even though it’s not the most popular show, hence B-rate, doesn’t mean it isn’t great).

For the second week in a row, someone unexpected found herself hanging by a thread in the bottom two. Jane Seymour probably didn’t see that one coming. The judges adore her and I’m sure she has an array of fans, from Dr. Quinn admirers to cougar hunters. Either way, she’d better step up her game and get a little down and dirty if there’s any hope for this MIL* to trample the younger competition.

I was very excited to see the dances this week, Latin Week. And how could you not be? The spicy samba and the romantic rumba really heated up the dance floor last night. As was to be expected, not everyone lived up to the expectations surrounding the sexiest night of the season, but then again, not everyone can be a winner.

If not for the dancing, then at least last night was worth tuning in to for the costumes. The men were decked out on sequins and open shirts while the woman showed some serious skin. They didn’t need much clothing considering the sweat they worked up dancing two of the greatest dances in ballroom.

Bye, bye, Floyd Mayweather.

Last night American bid farewell to the world champ, shoving him off the dance floor back into the boxing ring. Seriously, how upset can he really be? Sure, he wanted to win, but so does everyone else in the competition. He made it to week four, did really relatively well, receiving genuine compliments and constructive criticism from the judges each week. And come on, he’s the best boxer in the world, for ballroom’s sake. Is it absolutely necessary that he be the best at everything?

Is it just me or was there some serious nonsense surrounding Spice Girl Melanie Brown being in the bottom two? She’s been rockin’ out with her jock (Maksim) out... What the crap? That chick’s got big time potential to go with that big mouth of hers. I’d like to say that I’d like to see her sidestep right over some of the other competitors, but I love them all and it’s honestly way too soon to predict who will come out on top (yes, I really feel that way, Sabrina factor and all). At least Maksim gets to go to London and be in the (Old) Spice video. That’ll be fun. Say hello to Victoria and her delicious husband for me.

The stars threw Bhut Jolokia peppers in the Dancing pot last night, bringing the heat index up to record highs. For the first time this season, one of the stars took home the gold with a perfect score (guess who...). Another star raked in one 10, while the two top men scored three 9s apiece. Samantha Harris is back, taking back her reins from fill-in host, Drew Lachey. She looks incredible for having a baby less than a month ago. High five, mama.

Week four introduced us to two very different dances: the Viennese waltz and the paso doble. One is smooth and sensitive, the other is robust and tangy like Jack Daniels barbeque sauce. Both were gorgeous and fun to watch.

(Sigh of relief). I don’t think there is one person who watched the show last night that was disappointed. I know I said before that I would support Wayne Newton all the way to the end, and this was his end. My only regret now is that he wasn’t bade farewell a week sooner, thus saving young Albert Reed, who was full of potential, not to mention a chiseled chest and boyish good looks. Even my boyfriend’s grandmother agrees, Wayne really should not have lasted as long as he did.

Floyd Mayweather joined Wayne in the bottom two. He started the season out a little cocky, but I think it’s gradually sinking in that he needs more float than sting to stay in this thing. Apparently he’ll be dancing the paso doble next week, the bullfighter’s dance, a dance for the man to really showcase himself. Bring it on, Floyd, because this will be a fickle fight all the way.

If I wasn’t totally in love with this show before (and I admit, not 100%), I just fell. The performances last night were breathtakingly, ridiculously friggin’ awesome! (Well, most of them, anyway...) I have to say, I was impressed. Dancing either the jive or the tango, the remaining ten stars really put it out there. If you thought the competition was tight the last two weeks, they just pulled the strings on the corset.

There was a three-way tie for first place, and a two-way tie for second, only one point behind. Holy Testicle Tuesday! Talk about pressure. I can only imagine what they have in store for next week, but first...

Before I start with my review of last night’s results show, I want to personally say how sorry I am for Jane Seymour’s loss. She was not present last night because her mother passed away. Seeing as her mother’s love of the British version of Dancing with the Stars was the driving force behind her joining this season, Jane will continue on, in her mother’s honor. I think it’s safe to say all fans’ thoughts are with Jane and her family.

Last week definitely set the tone for what I think is going to be a pretty kick-ace season. I didn’t know what to expect with, well, any of the stars (although I had as high expectations as I could muster for the girl off a spice rack and the girl from the jungle). This week was exciting, fast, sexy, surprising and fun. Those who did a Latin dance last week had to adjust their style to ballroom and vice versa. The outcomes were nothing short of anxiously anticipated and deliciously unexpected.

This week the competition landed in the pants of the mambo and the quickstep. I was wondering last week how the judges would really be able to ascertain these celebrities’ versatility, alternating contenders between ballroom and Latin, and now I know. The stars will switch styles from week to week, therefore allowing all their skills, or lack thereof, to shine through. The mambo, I thought, looked a little like last week’s cha cha. It’s sharp, quick and rhythmical, with lots of hips. (Unfortunately, Albert’s hips were benched this week so he could show us his smoother side, but more on that later). Mamboing is meant to be a little flirty, a little more down and dirty.

On the other side of things, the quickstep is exactly as it sounds. Fast, tricky and light-on-your-toes swinging complete with lots of spring and synchronization. If the quickstep resembles the foxtrot, that’s mainly because it’s a faster version, created because back in the day some people just couldn’t keep up with the tempo of groovy bands kicking up foxtrot music.

The results are in...

Seriously, is there a single person with even half an ounce of common sense who thought she’d make it? Pretty as she may be, as I said before, looks aren’t everything, and as Len said last night, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Alas, Josie Maran and Alec Mazo are no more.

Two things bothered me. One: there is nothing quite as obnoxious as that final commercial break before the results are unveiled. I hate commercials to begin with, and that last little “ooh, it’s so suspenseful, what’s gonna happen?” is just annoying. And two: I thought Mark did surprisingly well on Tuesday, and his score was higher than Floyd’s, so I was surprised that he had the lowest judge and public combined score. I guess what everyone’s been saying is true. It’s anybody’s game and you never know who’s going home.

All right, round one is complete... the dancing, at least. Last night was all about the men, which is absolutely fine with me, especially considering this season includes an Abercrombie and Fitch model and a soap star, but can I just ask you something... Who are these guys? I don’t shop at the Fitch, don’t watch All My Children, don’t follow boxing or car racing, and couldn’t care less who owns which sports teams, as long as the Brewers take the lead back from the Cubs. The only man I know even the slightest bit about is Mr. Las Vegas, Wayne Newton. If he can rock the city of sin on a regular basis, he should have a harmless, professional, nationally-televised dance competition in the bag, right? The hair alone is reason to tune in, just to see how it stands up against all that grooving.

As the judges and hosts clearly stated at the beginning of the show, the guys have their work cut out for them. Let’s face it, those ladies the other night kicked some serious booty! I find it hard not to focus on the female component in ballroom dancing, simply because they tend to be lighter on their feet and flashier in their outfits. Regardless, I stuck to my assignment and focused my attention on the gentlemen. After all, it was their night to shine. I was pleasantly surprised by some and just a little disappointed in others (Mr. Las Vegas). I have to say, by the end of round one, I really do think a woman will be taking home with the gold.

Hello readers and fellow followers of Dancing With The Stars! It is time, once again, for everyone’s favorite spectacle that matches not-quite A-list celebrities with magnificent professional dancers, pitting them against each other in the name of dance until one pair is crowned champion. My name is Allie and I am the latest recapper to lead you through the twists, turns, dips and flips of the fifth installment. If you’re not excited yet, you might want to hurry up and meet me here. This season is the biggest ever, with a whole new batch of stars ready to put on their dancing shoes and show off what they’ve got. Always there to critique, criticize or make the stars the cry are three experienced judges. Standing by, ready to console or congratulate are two upbeat, energetic hosts. As one of several surprises I’m sure are to come this season, former host Samantha Harris will be replaced by season two champ (Nick Lachey's brother!), Drew Lachey, since Samantha gave birth to a baby girl Sunday morning.

This first week is unlike any other in Dancing history, designating one full night to the women, and one full night to the men, drawing the competition out to the third night when one of the twelve will go home. The women started off the competition dancing either the fox trot or the cha cha. I don’t see how it’s fair to judge equally between a cheeky, lively dance and an elegant, refined one, but apparently the people running the show know more than I do.

First up was Jennie Garth, best known for her role as Kelly Taylor on Beverly Hills, 90210. Looking flashy in a short, sequined navy dress, Jennie and partner Derek Hough, brother of fellow pro dancer, Julianne Hough, shook and grooved the cha cha almost completely naturally. It showed that Jennie seemed a little unsure of herself at first, so I was not expecting her to slide so effortlessly into those splits! I think that with a little finesse, she may have what it takes to get the ballroom trophy back in a women’s hands.