Pull up some couch ladies; it’s time for two hours (and according to the show: two days) of blissful Wisteria hysteria. This is going to be a long one. So, last week foreshadowed some legal trouble for Lynette. Just as she’s making waffles for the less-than-deserving Kayla, Child Protective Services shows up to investigate Kayla’s abuse claim. They even have the videotape from the mall.

Susan and Mike debate about baby names and finally settle on Connor… for now.  Mike finds out that his beloved grandfather Maynard has just died, and he wants to name the baby after him. Susan is horrified, and so are all the girls when they come visit. Surely there must be a solution so this kid is able to survive the playground.

The Incident

After last week’s smooch between a sauced up Edie and Orson, Bree is ready for war. She makes this very clear when she confronts Edie in the street and slaps her in the face. Game on. Next step: sabotaging Edie’s real estate customers.

Mike’s mom Adele, aka Momma, arrives for Mother’s Day with a hefty dose of southern charm and a scrapbook of family recipes for Susan to learn how to cook. Seems Mike has done a little complaining to Momma, who later sums up Susan as a nude snoring whore. Ouch.

A New Face in the Neighborhood

Bree and Orson are dividing up their belongings (deciding who gets to keep the pewter cat figurine) and Orson is still begging for forgiveness. She tells him to turn himself in… but he’s not willing to go to jail.

Gaby and Carlos decide to take in a boarder in their spare room to help out with their financial troubles. They interview an art student named Ellie (Justine Bateman aka Mallory Keaton), and decide to offer her a lease. Little do they know, she’s a businesswoman as well. 

Susan’s sleazy ex-husband Karl and his new girlfriend (now wife) Marissa show up at Susan’s Lamaze class. Marissa is pregnant too. Karl is a jerk, going on and on about his law professor wife and saying to Susan: “Look how fat you are!” I’d have punched him.

 

The question of the night is: Who set fire to Rick’s? Tom is the obvious suspect, and since Lynette usually knows when he is lying she keeps baiting him to trip up. It doesn’t work though, and he stands firm that he didn’t do it and doesn’t need an alibi.

Dylan gets pulled over and questioned by a suspicious cop. He claims she didn’t slow for a construction zone (which she didn’t see a sign for). He wants to know where she went to school and checks her ID. After letting her off with a warning, he gets back in his car… where the newspaper is with Dylan’s picture circled.

The sign at Greenwood rehab reads: “A man is only as sick as his secrets.” If that’s the case, then Orson Hodge is one sick man. Lurking in his dark past is one very dark secret, and it has to do with Mike Delfino. His secret is that he met Mike the night that his (Orson’s) mother murdered his mistress. He began to suspect Mike might know something, so he hit Mike with car—causing him to land in that coma.  

Now Orson is on his way to visit Mike in rehab, at Mike’s request. He’s nervous that Mike may have remembered “something dangerous.” After a lot of beating around the bush, Mike just wants to apologize for putting Orson in the position to write out his prescription for pain pills so he could get his fix. He feels better, and so does Orson—at least consciously.

Carlos is worried he’s becoming a burden. No one in the neighborhood has minded helping him out… except Gaby. Then again, I’m sure no one else has had to listen to him whine about having carrot squares in his soup. He’s bored; Gaby’s bored, and lunch with the girls calls. At lunch Bree tells everyone that the Founders Ball is coming up. Katherine is an experience event planner and offers to help. Bree agrees, to everyone’s shock, and Edie finally says what they’re all thinking: These two will kill each other. Far funnier was Lynette who piped in to say she faced cancer and a tornado, but she’s running from this.

Your favorite housewives on Wisteria Lane are finally back and dishing up all their usual drama. Tonight the theme is faith and we all want to know what secret from Katherine Mayfair’s past is going to be exposed. Now that Adam is gone and her life is in pieces, Katherine begins to think back on her past mistakes. She flashes back to her first husband, Wayne Davis, and how he used to hit her again and again, until she finally hit back… and killed him? We’ll have to wait and see.

The gals arrive bearing muffins and jam to show their support. Katherine thinks they just want details, but they try to convince her they’re there to help. No luck. She sends them off with their gifts, but not before Bree gets a chance to say she was surprised it was Adam who left Katherine. Afterward, we see Katherine sitting outside, thinking about the “mistakes she’d made and the one she’d buried,” while looking down at a cross made out of stones on the ground below her. Something tells me the old husband is long gone now. 

Although the last episode of Desperate Housewives ended with Lynette Scavo screaming for her children's lives (the house they were staying in was completely destroyed by the tornado), we have news on their fate:

The Scavo children make it out alive.

Considering those kids haven't exactly been angels, and can often annoy the heck out of Lynette and us viewers, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Leave your comments below.

P.S. As for Tom's fate, well that's still up in the air.

While some may think that the destruction of a tornado is horrific, on Wisteria Lane, a tiny bit of good came out of the frightful storm that struck.

Last week, Adam had a surprise visitor, someone from his past. Her name was Sylvia, and she wasn’t there to make nice.

Gabby was in the middle of telling her best friends that her and Carlos were moving away together in order to escape Victor, when Mrs. McClusky drove up and warned the girls about the tornado watch. Thus their goodbye to Gabby was rather short-lived.

Catherine spit in Sylvia’s face after finding out that she had visited her husband Adam the day before. Sylvia also claimed that her and Adam slept together. That put Catherine over the edge. Bree saw everything, and out of the goodness of her heart invited the broken-spirited Sylvia to her house for some tea. Not the best timing in the middle of tornado watch, Bree.

Our lives are filled with surprises, whether good or bad. Susan, Lynette, Bree, and Gabby can all definitely relate to this, because "the mistakes of our past have a way of drifting back into our lives. And when they do, we have to pay for them.” And the girls are no exception to the rule.

Carlos feels guilty and wants to tell police what happened with Victor on the boat, but Gabby is against it and thinks they can get away with playing dumb.

Mike’s addiction has become a serious problem, as well as his happiness.

Bree, though not the biological mother of Benjamin, believes that because Andrew didn’t turn out so well, she’d like to change the way she raises her new born. She wants him to sleep in the bed with she and Orson, every night.

Deception is the name of the game on Wisteria Lane. They’re all experts, and they all play the game like champions.

Bree’s new “son,” Benjamin, is turning eight days old soon. We all know what this means; something painful yet traditional is on its way.

Lynette’s mother surprises her family and friends one morning with a visitor. His name was Stan, and soon after he left, Stella forgot his name.

Orson and Bree invite Susan and Mike over for a dinner, because according to Susan and to Mike’s dismay, “that’s what you do in the suburbs.”

Orson has been scarred from circumcision, as his father was very against it so his mother had to wait until he went on a business trip. That was when Orson was five years old.

What goes around, comes around. That was the theme of this week’s episode.

Carlos and Gabby begin their plan to leave their spouses. As Carlos is packing up his things in hopes that he will slip away without any yelling from Edie, he’s brutally interrupted by the one and only. And she’s not happy.

Bob and Lee decide to have a Halloween party, and invite the entire neighborhood for the little get-together.

New neighbors bring new surprises, and Wisteria Lane is no exception to this.

Lee and Bob create a “work of art,” or as they call it, a sculpture, and place it on their front lawn for everyone to see. It took just as little time as it did to hammer that last nail as it did for the entire neighborhood to notice it, and hate it.

Lynette’s kids and their friends have apparently made rules for the adult in the house, no talking about doctors. That means no hanging out with mommy for a while.

Bree finds out that Danielle was kidnapped from the covenant by her grandma, who convinced her grandchild to live with her, keep her baby, and raise it there. So much for Bree’s baby suits.

Carlos and Gabby plan a get-away weekend at a nearby hotel while Victor is gone, but it is interrupted in the lobby by a past lover of Gabby’s, John the gardener, as well as his pregnant wife.

Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria told E! news last night she's taking the name of her new hubby, NBA star Tony Parker.

Her official new name, Eva Longoria Parker, will be unveiled this Sunday when the credits roll on Desperate Housewives.

Not as dramatic as getting a star on the Hollywood walk of fame, but still a pretty big deal.

Though secrets, secrets are no fun, Wisteria Lane would not be the same without them. Everyone has something to hide, and each person will do his or her best to keep it in hiding, forever.

Catherine’s aunt, Aunt Lilly, returns home to spend her last few days of her life in peace, with her family. Little did she know, these few days would be anything but peaceful. Aunt Lilly just couldn’t go to her grave knowing what happened with Dylan’s real father, and knowing that Dylan has no idea. She suggests to Catherine that they tell Dylan everything, but that’s something that Catherine intends on keeping in hiding, and refused.

Susan has new next door neighbors, and they’re life partners. It took her a little while to figure out exactly what that meant. Benign at heart, Susan tried her best to get off to a good start with these nice new neighbors, but things just don’t go her way.

In order to win a game, the players must always be aware of the rules, teams, and strategies. That goes for all games, including games played by the women who live on Wisteria Lane.

Susan decides to host her annual charades party, which apparently is not exactly everyone’s definition of “fun.” After coming up with any excuse to not attend this party, the girls realize that maybe they could have some of their own “fun” at this little annual get together, now that there’s a first-timer, that is.

Bree spills the beans about Catherine and Dylan’s interaction that she caught, including the physical abuse. Because the girls are so desperate to crack Catherine’s secret, they figured as long as she’s invited to the party, and there’s lots of wine, what’s the downside in attending, after all?

Down on Wisteria Lane, nothing goes unnoticed. Though the inhabitants of the neighborhood may think they’re being sly, we all know that everyone knows everyone else’s business, it’s just the way their world goes round.

The problem is, nothing can really hide a secret when everyone knows that everyone has secrets. Which is why “in the suburbs, there is nothing more deceptive than a smile.”

Our episode takes off with Gabby and Carlos’s love affair, which is almost completely ruined by an intruder: our very own Edie. While Carlos is, according to Edie, “out for a run,” he makes a sneaky little stop over to Gabby’s house. After he’s been gone for three hours, Edie becomes suspicious, and knocks on Gabby’s door to find out where Carlos really is. Luckily, Gabby saves the day by making up a complex, but apparently believable lie, on the spot. She saves the day, and Carlos is able to get home without being caught.

The long-awaited season premiere of Desperate Housewives has finally arrived, and wow, what an episode. With so many new conflicts, burning questions and complications, who knows where this season will take us.

It starts with Edie’s suicide-attempt-gone-wrong story. Because she couldn’t take the feeling of not being loved enough by Carlos, she tried to kill herself. Here’s the catch: The timing didn’t quite work out. When she was expecting Carlos to come and save her, he was summoned to another obligation. Tough luck, Edie.

Flash to Gabrielle and Carlos -- now there’s a debacle. Gabrielle is less-than-satisfied with her deceptive new husband and misses Carlos more than ever. Luckily, he has mutual feelings with his Edie, so the former couple is, once again, a match made in heaven.

Unfortunately, after asking Gabrielle to run away with him at her wedding, Carlos suddenly has other matters to tend to, thanks to Edie, who is now in the hospital due to her suicide attempt.

The Desperate Housewives are popping up everywhere lately! Check out these random tidbits of DH trivia:

1. Diva Eva Longoria hates kissing scenes. Apparently the only lips she wants to lick these days are her husband Tony Parker's.

2. David Beckham has no plans to appear as a gay guest star this season. Or so he says.

3. Emmy nominee Felicity Huffman isn't afraid to wear glasses in front of the camera. Here she is at the Platinum Guild International USA Party. Don't worry, Felicity, I won't start calling you four-eyes.

4. Teri Hatcher watches So You Think You Can Dance

5. Marcia Cross likes to party with Justin Timberlake's current squeeze Jessica Biel

The season premiere of Desperate Housewives doesn't air for more than a month (September 30), but judging from this picture, it looks like Teri Hatcher and newcomer Dana Delaney are already best buds. At the marketing campaign for Teri's new Badgley Mischka ads, she was snapped holding hands with Dana on the red carpet and laughing hysterically.

But Dana wasn't the only Desperate friend to show her support. Felicity Huffman, James Denton and Andrea Bowen were also in attendance. Click on the pictures below to see the full-size version.

We all know sex sells. But the producers of Desperate Housewives and Nip/Tuck apparently think same-sex sex will sell even more. Both shows are bringing homosexual relationships into main plot points this season.

Don't worry, Nip/Tuck hasn't leaked any info about seeing Rosie O'Donnell engaged in any steamy sex romps with an on-camera girlfriend (though I'm sure Donald Trump would looove that). No, word has it that Ellen Degeneres's real-life lover Portia de Rossi gets Julia McNamara (Joely Richardson) to switch teams. Steamy sex romps ensue. Cue the male audience right about... now.

Over on Wisteria Lane, the first gay couple is moving on in. Tuc Watkins, from One Life to Live, and Kevin Rahm, of Judging Amy, have been cast as new kids on the block Bob and Lee. According to TV Guide, Lee is the bitchy half of the couple. The DH gay twist might work, but I bet ratings would be even higher if Bree (Marcia Cross) turned lesbian on us.

What do you think about these plot twists? Will they deliver the ratings the networks are hoping for? Or is the idea just too played out at this point? Anything you want to say to the producers of these shows?

Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria and Tony Parker exchanged their "I Do's" on the most popular wedding day in a seriously long time (I guess lots of people think that 7/07/2007 really is a lucky date). In any case, they exchanged vows twice -- once in a civil ceremony on Friday and again in a lavish church on Saturday.

Eva's pal and Dancing with the Stars, er, star, Mario Lopez had this exciting detail to share about the affair:
"It was so great – such a fun wedding... It's been one event after another. I'm tired!"

Mario, I hear ya! I'm tired of just hearing about this event! Outside of finding out that the brides Desperate Housewives costars got into a huge catfight when then diva walked down the aisle, I hope wedding hoopla buzz is o-v-e-r. I feel like we've been talking about their nuptials forever!

Congrats. The End.

The season finale of Desperate Housewives is called “Getting Married Today,” although perhaps it should have been called “Two Weddings and a Funeral”

The first wedding, of course, is Victor’s and Gaby’s, because Gaby “stole” Susan’s wedding or rather all the accompanying vendors when Susan and Ian called it quits. We see Gaby primping and prepping and fretting that Bree hasn’t yet arrived with “something new.” Well, it turns out that the “something new” is the new rotund pouch Bree is sporting. Emphasis on pouch. (more on that later) Her friends are stunned to learn that she is pregnant.

The show backtracks to “3 days earlier” and we see:

- Edie and Carlos in bed, with Edie’s deceased mother showing up to warn Edie about the “tangled web [she’s] weaving.” (pretending to try for a baby)

- Gaby and Carlos bargaining over his attendance at her upcoming wedding

- Susan and Mike planning their wedding…or rather, Susan dreaming up a million over-the-top romantic scenarios such as 40 doves and Mike humoring her while nixing the ones he can already tell will be a disaster

- Lynette asking her Aunt for a loan (given Lynette’s upcoming cancer treatments)

- Bree telling Orson that she wouldn’t blame him for running away, to which he responds, “Stop! I’m going to raise this child as if it were my own!” He then offers to fold her dress in tissue so that it won’t wrinkle which as we know, is just the sort of sexy turn of phrase that makes dear Bree swoon...

I don't know about you guys, but Desperate Housewives has consistently impressed me this season. Yes, it's outrageous, ridiculous and over-the-top, but it knows it and embraces its soap-opera status. As you know, I'm not big on finales -- they usually depress me and under-deliver, but I'm giving the DH finale an A+. Two weddings... a fake pregnancy... cancer/mommy issues... a major character's possible death... cheating... all the makings of a good season wrapped up into one hour-long episode. Jennifer will post her recap soon, but for now, I want to know what you thought!

Aww, I hate it when the Marilyn Monroe pose happens by accident. I once flashed all of Times Square while wearing a dress on a windy day. It was very not hot. So, I feel for Marica Cross. I really do.

She did look incredible in the color of the moment at the ABC upfront yesterday, though. Where yes, of course, Desperate Housewives was renewed for another season.

Sometimes Eva Longoria reminds me SO much of her Desperate Housewives character it's scary. Like today: She called Ryan Seacrest's radio show this morning to clear up a rumor about her and fiance Tony Parker. It went something like this:

Eva: "Did you guys hear that rumor that there is no sex before the wedding? I did not say that!"

Ryan: "So you called to confirm that Tony and you are still having sex?"

Eva: "Yes. Confirmed."

Who does that? Who cares if you're NOT having sex before your wedding but you really ARE? Shouldn't it be more concerning the other way around? WTF? Anyone else think that's just silly?