We pick up right where the first hour left off, with MJ and Susan headed to the lake of death with Creepy Dave, Carlos and Gaby welcoming a teenager into their homes, Bree hating Orson, Mike and Katherine headed to Vegas to get married, and Mrs. McCluskey and her sister closing in on the truth. There's also the small matter of Tom and Lynette. Turns out Tom's a great drunk test-taker, so he aced his and got into school. Lynette goes to see the doctor, thinking she has the cancer again. Turns out she's actually pregnant with twins. She only wishes it were cancer.

Gaby makes a speech about how she wants to be there for this teenage niece of Carlos's, and then she meets the girl, who is totally hot and basically a prostitute. She gets college boys to buy her Versace and Vera Wang, and younger boys (the Scavos, for example) to do her chores. Gaby doesn't like this, so the little brat pretends to cry and Carlos takes her side. Bree, meanwhile, tells Karl that Orson's blackmailing her into staying, so Karl sends a thug to threaten Orson into leaving. Orson's about to, but Bree convinces him she'd never do that to him, so he's glad they've resolved this and he's staying. Bree goes to lecture Karl for being such a dirtbag, but he knows she likes it and they end up making out. It's pretty disgusting that it's Karl, but at least Bree can finally enjoy her marriage thanks to infidelity.

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The first hour of the two-part season finale starts out much like any other episode: Mary Alice's voiceover catches us up on all of the recent goings-on: Bree robbed herself to leave Orson with nothing, but he found her storage unit. Mike got jealous that Susan was going to marry Jackson so he proposed to Katherine. Then Jackson got deported. Creepy Dave found out Susan was the driver when his wife and kids died. Gaby and Carlos continued to be irrelevant, but rich. And Tom was stuck in a midlife crisis.

That's were we pick up, and things move pretty quickly. Orson steals the stuff back from the storage unit and has it in the house when Bree arrives home. She tells him she wants a divorce, which he takes pretty well. If by "well" you mean that he tells her he's going to go ahead and stay married, unless she wants to go to jail for insurance fraud, since he filed the claim. When Preston tells Lynette he wants to spend time in Europe instead of going to college, she gets Tom to take him on a college campus tour. Preston's still not interested in college, but Tom is. He wants to study Chinese. Lynette thinks it's another midlife crisis so she sabotages his admissions test, and then finds out he wanted to learn Chinese to be a better businessman. Uh-oh. She just ruined his actual brilliant plan. Carlos and Gaby go to a family reunion at the home of Carlos's aunt (Miss Patty), whom Gaby hates. They end up volunteering to take in Miss Patty's teenage granddaughter, but there's some sort of secret about her that Miss Patty isn't spilling.

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Jackson and Susan plan an engagement party to give themselves some photos to put in the albums they'll need in case immigration comes calling to deport him. They announce the engagement to the neighborhood, and Mike's unpleasantly surprised, although he says he's happy not to pay alimony anymore. Susan goes to confess the real reason for the marriage to Katherine, who is on the phone with Creepy Dave at the time. Creepy Dave hears it all and reports Jackson to immigration. At the end of the episode, he's taken away, just before he and Susan are to be married. Gale Harold better not be gone again. A girl's heart can only handle so much. Oh, and Mike proposes to Katherine while he thinks Susan and Jackson's marriage is real, but he's really still in love with Susan. It's all leading up to a finale in which Creepy Dave tries to kill Mike, I think.

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A lot happens this episode, but very little of it has to do with Creepy Dave, despite the developments last week. Basically, all he does is try to get Susan and MJ to go fishing with him, and then talks to the detectives, who are looking for Jackson (since he was locked in the bathroom during the fire). Then he sees Susan and Jackson together... Because they're getting married. Jackson proposes, Susan breaks down and confesses her love, and then Jackson's like, "Yeah, I need to not be deported to Canada." She feels humiliated but agrees to do it anyway, which is totally what's going to convince Creepy Dave that Jackson's his new guy to kill, I guess? I really hope not, but I can't see it ending any other way.

Meanwhile, Gaby goes without makeup to a big event because Juanita has self-esteem issues and wants to look more like her mom. Before a big photo-op, though, Gaby puts makeup on in the bathroom, totally disappointing Juanita. Gaby gives a lovely speech about how much Juanita needs to have on the inside, which Gaby didn't have as a model.

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Relationships are in trouble this week, as Bree finally gives up on Orson after finding out he's the reason poor Old Rose is going to a mental institution. Bree tells Andrew she might want a divorce, and Mike has a mild anxiety attack when Katherine says she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Apparently he was just living with her temporarily until he could get back together with Susan. And Tom and Lynette have all sorts of jealousy issues to work out. He's jealous that she showers at Carlos's office, so she doesn't tell him when she falls in the tub and Carlos sees her naked (when he's saving her). He joins Gaby's gardening club, and doesn't tell Lynette that the non-Edie Edie is hitting on him. All is revealed over dinner with Carlos and Gaby, and both couples end up bickering.

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Edie takes over voiceover duties for Mary Alice this week, narrating her own death via car crash and electrocution. No lingering, she's dead. And yet she then plays coy about the mission in which Creepy Dave sends her five friends -- Bree, Lynette, Susan, Gaby and Mrs. McCluskey -- but we eventually learn it's to tell Edie's estranged son that his mom is dead and give him her ashes. On the road trip, Susan tells about her first encounter with Edie, how she first found out that Edie liked married men, and how Edie broke the news to Susan that Karl was cheating on her, proving that she wasn't as amoral as Susan thought she was. Lynette tells the story of how, when she was in the midst of chemo for her cancer, Edie brought her to a biker bar for tequila shots and told her to stop pitying herself and fight. To paraphrase Edie: "You're the strongest person I know. Screw cancer; you're Lynette Scavo." (For those of you keeping score at home, this is the part of the episode where I started crying.)

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The thing that is so weird about this show is when something big is going on with one storyline (like, say, Creepy Dave wanting to kill Katherine) while everyone else continues in their relative monotony. Take this episode:

Susan runs into Karl at school, because he's there with his son, Evan, who happens to be in Susan's class (she's also apparently been upgraded to art teacher at some point in the last two weeks). She notices his artwork is violent and murderous. This leads to fighting with Karl, but eventually to him revealing that his wife left him just like he left Susan. She feels bad and touches his hand. I seriously hope this doesn't mean a reunion for them. Gaby continues to be jealous of Carlos' new work life as he works night and day, thanks to crazy Lucy, who he hired because of her record of success. She's mean to Lynette, who ends up getting her fired by putting Gaby and Carlos' kids in the middle of it. It's totally awesome for everyone, because Lynette gets to reveal how truly terrible Lucy is, and Gaby gets to witness Carlos proving he's no longer the old Carlos. Bree, meanwhile, keeps trying to fix Orson. She even plans to sell the business to make him happy, until Andrew convinces her otherwise. So he takes to sleeping on the couch again (despite their spare room, for some reason) and then sneaks out to break into houses and steal.

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Everybody gets a little bit of story tonight. Mike moves in with Katherine, who decides to throw a little housewarming party. She and Susan are pretending that they're both cool with Mike's move-in, and Katherine invites her to the party. But things go south when Katherine learns that the painting that moved in with Mike was actually painted by Susan, and features a scene from their honeymoon. When she moves the painting into the basement, Susan's feelings are hurt. And then Katherine gets to explain how insecure it makes her feel to see reminders of Susan's love for Mike. Susan then pretends to be a jealous ex-wife and takes the painting back to spare Katherine the sight of it.

Lynnette and Tom close the restaurant and sell off all the equipment. Tom's feeling depressed, and Lynnette thinks that what he needs is a job. And it just so happens that Bree's publisher is looking for a new marketing exec. Bree throws together a dinner party to introduce them, but Tom can't be asked to show any interest in the job. However, his interest is piqued when Lynnette starts pursuing the job instead. They end up embarrassing themselves in front of the publisher, and neither one gets the position. But in the end, Lynnette realizes that she really wants to get back in the ad business, and Tom gives her his blessing.

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Money continues to rule on Wisteria Lane, as everywhere -- although, I have to digress for a moment to talk about how very stupid I think the "official" title of this episode is. It says nothing and means nothing. Unless it's some sort of popular saying that means something I am missing. That's very likely, but still: I don't like it.

Anyway, money issues, starting with: Lynette. Scavo's is in trouble, so Lynette suggests closing it. When Tom calls a family meeting that he is late for, Lynette walks in and tells the kids this must mean he's closing it. But he comes in and announces he let all his employees go, so all of the kids can go to work as wait staff. Lynette can't believe this, but since she told him she'd support him, she does. The kids are not good at work, though, so it basically just means Tom and Lynette are doing more. And then, when a group of high school kids come in, Porter and Preston are out of there. Their reputations are at stake, after all. Kids tease them for sandals they wore once, so they will not be seen in a Scavo's apron. Apparently being arrested is okay, though. Hmmm. Strange place, that Fairview.

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Desperate Housewives must have figured its characters would be more relatable if they all had money problems. This is not the case, of course, but nevertheless, here is our "economy" episode:

Gaby has money again since she forced Carlos to take a corporate job, but she's still not as skinny as she used to be. In order to fit into the dress she wore when Carlos proposed, she signs up for Edie's boot camp, taught by a former member of the Israeli army. He doesn't like Gaby, because she's a whiner and, eventually, a quitter. But Edie tells her what a brat she's being and she toughs it out. Then she looks all sexy as she heads to The Palm with Carlos.

Susan has even bigger problems, though: Her kid's in public school (gasp!). She wants him to go to Oakridge, a fancy, schmancy, Chilton-style private school with a white-haired headmaster. She gets him in, but Mike (who's been working long days and nights, by the way) cannot afford it. He can't even afford to buy Katherine real pearls, in fact, but that doesn't stop Susan from trying to steal them. All I can say is nice job on the fake pearls, Mike: You fooled everyone, even ogling Bob and Lee. Ultimately, Susan figures it all out and gets MJ into the school, by getting a job there as an art teacher's assistant. [I've been watching this show all season, and I had no idea that Susan was a children's book illustrator. - Zach] How cool would it be if this somehow brings Jackson back? Maybe he's the teacher? I'd really enjoy that.

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Absolutely nothing that matters happens in this episode -- unless you are possibly just now watching your season 1 DVDs. Because this all seems like it would be so much more relevant back then. We are introduced to Beau Bridges, who's apparently the handyman of everyone on Wisteria Lane. He retires, and then dies right off the bat. Then everyone has a memory of him, which plays out via flashbacks. He helped Gaby get to know the other ladies on the street by hosting a poker game at which she did nothing but brag and show off, and then told her that she was a bitch and should go apologize to everyone. He watched Bree and Rex fight and saved the cookbook she was writing that she threw out when Rex made fun of her dream to write it, and then gave it back to her when Rex died so she might write it someday. He made Edie realize her husband was gay, and then when she was single he slept with her. He took an infant Penny out of the car when Lynette had left her there while trying to go back to work, and made her realize that family is probably more important than work anyway. And he made Susan aware of the fact that Karl was a cheat, and then consoled her (by calling her his hero!) after her divorce from Mike. He also was fixing the shingle on her roof when he died. Though, like any good handyman, he finished the job first.

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Everyone's making connections this week, and it's (mostly) all for the better. Bree has a big ol' fight with Alex, who tells her exactly what we've all been thinking: That's she's mean and cold and emasculating her husband. She gets snippy about it, but comes around to realize he's right -- and that she needs someone like him calling her out on it so she doesn't get even worse. Meanwhile, Edie tells everyone she left Creepy Dave and they respond by ... talking to Susan about her plans to move in with Jackson. Then Edie and Susan end up locked in a basement, and they sort of bond: They insult each other, Edie spills her childhood stories, then slaps Susan. I said sort of. But they both learn from it, because next thing we know Susan makes a mysterious call to Jackson and then sits on her porch alone, while Edie takes Creepy Dave back. In the interim, though, Creepy Dave stays with Mike and bonds with him. He learns that Mike is falling in love with Katherine, and that she is thinking of moving to Baltimore. So Creepy Dave gets Katherine some flowers to keep her close, apparently making her the "Mike has to lose what I lost" target instead of Susan.

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Everyone is manipulating, guilt-tripping, accidentally physically abusing, or otherwise hurting everyone else this week.

First up, we have Bree, who meets Andrew's soon-to-be mother-in-law, Melina (played by Joanna Cassidy, so NOT maternal on Six Feet Under). It's hate at first site with these two, and unfortunately for their sons, they're both manipulative and sort of horrible. They fight over the holidays, and then they end up in a competition about whether the boys will live on Wisteria Lane or in Oakdale (five hours away, where beer can smashing Melina lives). Melina finds Alex a job as a doctor in Oakdale, but Bree one-ups her by buying them the Adams house down the street as an early wedding gift. Um, best wedding gift ever. Not that it makes up for Bree's insanity ... okay, it sort of does.

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Pretty much every character's storyline gets major developments this week, and the result is that it's the best episode in a long time.

The Scavos continue to try to keep Porter safe, which means mortgaging the restaurant to get him out on bail. When Mr. Shilling threatens Porter and he skips bail, Preston -- totally proving himself to be the good twin -- pretends he's Porter and goes to his arraignment. Tom and Lynette obviously know it's Preston, but they let him do it anyway, because the alternative (losing the bail, which means losing the business) might be even worse.

Carlos begins regaining his vision, and Gaby quickly realizes he's going to find out she sold things including his autographed Lou Gehrig baseball, which had been passed down from his grandfather and his father. She tries to get it back and finds out she'll have to dance for the perv she sold it to. And she does it, but as Carlos gains more and more vision back, he realizes how much Gaby truly sacrificed for the family while he wasn't looking: her clothes and shoes!

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The storylines are all more connected this week than they have been in a long time -- all based, at least loosely, around Fairview Hospital.

Mike's there after barely surviving (thanks to Dave) last week's fire, and Katherine brings him cookies. Susan visits him too (she's also visiting Jackson, who isn't in the episode), and tastes the macadamia nut cookies Katherine made. Mike then accidentally slips and tells her he's dating one of her friends. When she tastes macadamia nut cookies at Katherine's house later, she puts two and two together. But that it took her as long as it did really does prove just how self-involved she is.

In the hospital after the fire, Carlos finds out that he might be able to have a surgery that would make him see again. It would be at least a month before they could squeeze him in, though, which gives Gaby time to hopefully get skinny and pretty again (she's so terrible-looking now, after all). Then the surgery gets moved up, so she warns Carlos not to expect much. He tells her why he fell in love with her. It's very sweet, and is all about her eating ribs and not at all about her looks. So they go in for the surgery, with her self-esteem restored.

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So, it's sweeps time on Wisteria Lane, and you know what that means: Something tragic and big is going to happen, but no one who really matters will die or anything. This episode starts out with the Battle of the Bands, where a fire breaks out. Then we flash back a day and a lot more stuff happens.

Lynette finds out from Preston that Anne's pregnant with Porter's baby, so she goes to talk to Anne. She unwittingly tells Anne's abusive husband about it, and he does what abusive husbands do best and beats the crap out of her. Until Lynette has the good sense to come back and rescue her. Anne ends up at the hospital and Porter's ready to kill Warren.

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Carlos and Gaby start their twisted relationship with Grandma Nutjob. It starts out all poolside margaritas and lobsters dinners, but quickly turns weird. First, Grandma Nutjob crawls into bed with Carlos and Gaby, and then she actually insists that Celia and Juanita call her "Grandma." When Gaby decides she has enough crazy in her family already, Grandma Nutjob gets really devious and reports Carlos to the country club for touching her inappropriately during their last massage.

Lynette and Tom quickly realize what's going on with Porter and Mrs. Robinson (er ... Ann), and make him end it. Lynette basically beats the crap out of Ann in the bathroom at a PTA meeting. It is awesome, and will have you rooting for Lynette, despite all of the times lately that she's seemed like a cranky old woman. But then Ann calls a secret meeting with Porter to break the news that ... she's pregnant. Uh-oh. So not only were they careless with their condom wrapper disposal, but also with the condom use? Porter and Lynette have a heart to heart, and he's surprisingly understanding. But there's a reason: He's planning on running off with Ann.

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Previously: Jackson wanted to elevate things with Susan, who didn't want to. Bree hired Orson as partner, because he pretty much forced her to. And Creepy Dave messed with Mrs. McCluskey's stuff to drive her into a rage at her surprise party, where she hit the cake with a bat.

Carlos is getting big tips at work because he gave Mrs. Hildebrandt (played by Frances Conroy) an orgasm. Gaby finds out, and wants them to end their professional relationship, but Mrs. H. says it was only the once, and that Carlos is one of her few friends. In fact, she wants to bring Carlos on a two-month trip to Europe, and she's even willing to bring Gaby and the kids along if Gaby will be her personal shopper at the major fashion houses. Carlos would get $50K a month, but for some reason Gaby's payment would be in dresses. Of course, Gaby is totally fine with that. Orgasms for everybody!

Lynette catches Tom with a dishy blonde, but it turns out she's just a real estate agent mom of one of Porter's friends, and she's showing Tom a rehearsal space for rent. Then, when Lynette sees the blonde realtor leaving said space in a hurry one night, she gets the totally wrong idea. If she'd hung around, she would have seen that Porter was the one hooking up with the realtor, and Tom was merely giving him a talking-to, not realizing who his mystery date was. Lynette packs a suitcase, oblivious to the reality... or to the fact that her recent attempts to seduce her own son via IM were probably partly to blame for this.

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This week, we get the teeniest, tiniest glimpse into what happened on Wisteria Lane in the five years that passed while we were on hiatus. And it's actually really fun. Here's what happened: When Orson went away and Danielle took Benjamin, Bree started hitting the (white wine) bottle, and Katherine saved her from herself -- which is why she's unwilling to just hire Orson with no regard for Katherine's feelings. Gaby got pregnant! Twice! Did you know that? Oh, right, we did know that. But we find out they were unexpected, unwanted pregnancies and that Carlos was supposed to have had a vasectomy (he didn't; he wants a boy someday). Susan initiated divorce proceedings with Mike, but she made a last-ditch effort to keep him from signing divorce papers; when he didn't, she hooked up with her hot painter, Jackson, the next day, insisting things stay casual. Oh, and Tom tried to do some electrical work at the pizzeria, proving once again he's incapable of handling things himself by actually causing his heart to stop. This led to a desire to have more in life, which led to the car and the garage band and, now, a desire to sell the pizza place and travel for a year in an RV.

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Bree's cookbook success has almost everyone in a dither this week. First, her friends are all jealous (and matters aren't helped when she includes a "personal" note in each of the other ladies' copies of her cookbook that calls that woman "the sweetest, most wonderful friend I've ever known"). Then, Orson wants to come work for her since no one will hire him now that he's a criminal. And, finally, Katherine's all sort of angry: jealous about Bree's success, and not at all okay with Orson joining the company. So Bree tells him to wait it out, but after he sleeps in the guest room for a few nights, she offers him a white flag in the form of a chef's hat. Screw Katherine, apparently. She threw Bree's cookbook out with the trash anyway.

Lynette's jealous, too, and tries to catch a ride on the Bree success train by taking over the cookbook marketing campaign without being asked. She tries to get Bree to change course now that the book's all ready to go and the marketing campaign has begun, but Bree tells her she's happy with what she's got. When they all show up to support Bree's Bussinesswoman of the Year award at the Chamber of Commerce banquet, Lynette meets Bree's marketing guy, who happens to be Lynette's former assistant. Lynette gets good and drunk, confronts Bree, and gets good and kicked out. She takes the emergency exit door, to be sure to cause a scene. She apologizes later, and Felicity Huffman once again shows us why she won that Emmy, as Lynette explains her jealousy and ends up looking all vulnerable and sweet, even while making Bree seem a little bit more human.

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Gale Harold, who plays Susan's (Teri Hatcher) new boyfriend on Desperate Housewives, has been seriously injured in a motorcycle accident.

Though Gale's reps are saying that he only has a broken arm, a spokesperson for USC Medical Center--where Gale is being treated in the intensive care unit--told TMZ that Gale is in "critical condition." Marc Cherry, the creator of Desperate Housewives, said that Gale has "swelling of the brain, but is expected to recover."

Get better soon, Gale! -- Jacki Garfinkel

Previously: Jackson met Mike and MJ. Gaby's depressed because her life sucks (no money, fat kids, blind husband). Danielle took Benjamin from Bree. Creepy Dave and Mrs. McCluskey became enemies when he threatened her and then stole her cat.

Speaking of cats, we open on a cute little boy's face as Mary Alice says that Benjamin Katz was six and didn't understand a lot of things: why the woman you call "Mommy" (Bree) isn't always your mother, why the man who was always there for you (Orson) is suddenly taken away -- in handcuffs (that would be the fault of the woman you used to call "Mommy," Benjamin), or why one day you go for a ride (with Danielle) and never come back. But no one explains any of this to Benjamin, of course. Then he might turn out well-adjusted or something. And no one whose life begins on Wisteria Lane can turn out well. It's in the contract. Bree and Orson are anxiously awaiting Danielle and Benjamin's arrival. Orson tells Bree to remember to be on her best behavior. She says she doesn't require lectures on tact. He says, maybe not "require," but definitely "benefit from." Or wait, I said that. Orson just says he knows that, but they've missed Benjy so much. She says she knows what's at stake. He asks her to please keep her critical thoughts to herself, then.

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Remember how this show jumped ahead five years at the end of last season? That's just about all you need to know as this season begins, since it's sort of like starting all over.

First up, we have Susan in the hospital having Mike's baby, while Lila Dash (who?) was giving birth to a daughter in delivery room B. And then Susan and Lila's paths continue to cross over the years: as they leave the hospital, at the veterinarian's office, in the bleachers at a baseball game, in the park. But they never met. Until one night when Susan took Mike out for their anniversary and Susan Delfino and Lila Dash "finally ran into each other." As in, car crash. Oh, Mary Alice. So clever with the voiceovers.

Then we see a bloody Lila with her face on the steering wheel. And Mike thrown from the car, also bloody. Susan's ear-piercing "Miiiiiike!" takes us into condensed credits.

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Pull up some couch ladies; it’s time for two hours (and according to the show: two days) of blissful Wisteria hysteria. This is going to be a long one. So, last week foreshadowed some legal trouble for Lynette. Just as she’s making waffles for the less-than-deserving Kayla, Child Protective Services shows up to investigate Kayla’s abuse claim. They even have the videotape from the mall.

Susan and Mike debate about baby names and finally settle on Connor… for now.  Mike finds out that his beloved grandfather Maynard has just died, and he wants to name the baby after him. Susan is horrified, and so are all the girls when they come visit. Surely there must be a solution so this kid is able to survive the playground.

The Incident

After last week’s smooch between a sauced up Edie and Orson, Bree is ready for war. She makes this very clear when she confronts Edie in the street and slaps her in the face. Game on. Next step: sabotaging Edie’s real estate customers.

Mike’s mom Adele, aka Momma, arrives for Mother’s Day with a hefty dose of southern charm and a scrapbook of family recipes for Susan to learn how to cook. Seems Mike has done a little complaining to Momma, who later sums up Susan as a nude snoring whore. Ouch.

A New Face in the Neighborhood

Bree and Orson are dividing up their belongings (deciding who gets to keep the pewter cat figurine) and Orson is still begging for forgiveness. She tells him to turn himself in… but he’s not willing to go to jail.

Gaby and Carlos decide to take in a boarder in their spare room to help out with their financial troubles. They interview an art student named Ellie (Justine Bateman aka Mallory Keaton), and decide to offer her a lease. Little do they know, she’s a businesswoman as well. 

Susan’s sleazy ex-husband Karl and his new girlfriend (now wife) Marissa show up at Susan’s Lamaze class. Marissa is pregnant too. Karl is a jerk, going on and on about his law professor wife and saying to Susan: “Look how fat you are!” I’d have punched him.

 

The question of the night is: Who set fire to Rick’s? Tom is the obvious suspect, and since Lynette usually knows when he is lying she keeps baiting him to trip up. It doesn’t work though, and he stands firm that he didn’t do it and doesn’t need an alibi.

Dylan gets pulled over and questioned by a suspicious cop. He claims she didn’t slow for a construction zone (which she didn’t see a sign for). He wants to know where she went to school and checks her ID. After letting her off with a warning, he gets back in his car… where the newspaper is with Dylan’s picture circled.

The sign at Greenwood rehab reads: “A man is only as sick as his secrets.” If that’s the case, then Orson Hodge is one sick man. Lurking in his dark past is one very dark secret, and it has to do with Mike Delfino. His secret is that he met Mike the night that his (Orson’s) mother murdered his mistress. He began to suspect Mike might know something, so he hit Mike with car—causing him to land in that coma.  

Now Orson is on his way to visit Mike in rehab, at Mike’s request. He’s nervous that Mike may have remembered “something dangerous.” After a lot of beating around the bush, Mike just wants to apologize for putting Orson in the position to write out his prescription for pain pills so he could get his fix. He feels better, and so does Orson—at least consciously.

Carlos is worried he’s becoming a burden. No one in the neighborhood has minded helping him out… except Gaby. Then again, I’m sure no one else has had to listen to him whine about having carrot squares in his soup. He’s bored; Gaby’s bored, and lunch with the girls calls. At lunch Bree tells everyone that the Founders Ball is coming up. Katherine is an experience event planner and offers to help. Bree agrees, to everyone’s shock, and Edie finally says what they’re all thinking: These two will kill each other. Far funnier was Lynette who piped in to say she faced cancer and a tornado, but she’s running from this.

Your favorite housewives on Wisteria Lane are finally back and dishing up all their usual drama. Tonight the theme is faith and we all want to know what secret from Katherine Mayfair’s past is going to be exposed. Now that Adam is gone and her life is in pieces, Katherine begins to think back on her past mistakes. She flashes back to her first husband, Wayne Davis, and how he used to hit her again and again, until she finally hit back… and killed him? We’ll have to wait and see.

The gals arrive bearing muffins and jam to show their support. Katherine thinks they just want details, but they try to convince her they’re there to help. No luck. She sends them off with their gifts, but not before Bree gets a chance to say she was surprised it was Adam who left Katherine. Afterward, we see Katherine sitting outside, thinking about the “mistakes she’d made and the one she’d buried,” while looking down at a cross made out of stones on the ground below her. Something tells me the old husband is long gone now. 

Although the last episode of Desperate Housewives ended with Lynette Scavo screaming for her children's lives (the house they were staying in was completely destroyed by the tornado), we have news on their fate:

The Scavo children make it out alive.

Considering those kids haven't exactly been angels, and can often annoy the heck out of Lynette and us viewers, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Leave your comments below.

P.S. As for Tom's fate, well that's still up in the air.