Serena’s worst fears are about to come true. She still can’t get a hold of Dan so she’s going over to his place—and you just know who else she’s going to find there. Dan decides to defend Georgina—come on, Dan—and Serena is ready to fight her. She wants to explain things, but Dan doesn’t seem so sure.

Lily and Rufus wake up together. Whoa, that’s a surprise! So much for the wedding day…  or not. She still seems intent on getting married when Bart calls. Someone needs to tell this woman that in this case she can’t have her cake and eat it too.

Pull up some couch ladies; it’s time for two hours (and according to the show: two days) of blissful Wisteria hysteria. This is going to be a long one. So, last week foreshadowed some legal trouble for Lynette. Just as she’s making waffles for the less-than-deserving Kayla, Child Protective Services shows up to investigate Kayla’s abuse claim. They even have the videotape from the mall.

Susan and Mike debate about baby names and finally settle on Connor… for now.  Mike finds out that his beloved grandfather Maynard has just died, and he wants to name the baby after him. Susan is horrified, and so are all the girls when they come visit. Surely there must be a solution so this kid is able to survive the playground.

Time for an intervention

Serena’s missing. She didn’t come home last night and neither Georgina nor Dan can get a hold of her. Vanessa is helping out Rufus and his band. We’re about to see the rocker play a real show. Nate arrives, and there’s hope they’ll actually go on a real date before he gets a call and says he’ll be right there.

Across town, Dan goes to find Serena and asks Chuck if he’s seen her. Chuck also gets a mysterious call and is on his way. Dan is left out of the loop. Chuck and Nate meet up in the elevator at Blair’s. The awkwardness of the three of them uniting to help their friend is slightly amusing.

The Incident

After last week’s smooch between a sauced up Edie and Orson, Bree is ready for war. She makes this very clear when she confronts Edie in the street and slaps her in the face. Game on. Next step: sabotaging Edie’s real estate customers.

Mike’s mom Adele, aka Momma, arrives for Mother’s Day with a hefty dose of southern charm and a scrapbook of family recipes for Susan to learn how to cook. Seems Mike has done a little complaining to Momma, who later sums up Susan as a nude snoring whore. Ouch.

Blair and Little J are still battling for control of the popularity crown. Now with her new boyfriend, Jenny has a slight edge—especially since she and Asher are throwing a huge bash for everyone tonight. Eric gets upset when the two of them are making out, and he tells her he has a weird feeling about Asher. She thinks he just has a crush on her, but really: what is his deal? Does he know something about this guy?

Georgina a.k.a. Sarah chats up Vanessa. Apparently Dan and V have sort of adopted her. Since when did they all become such fast friends? Dan’s been talking to her about Serena and they agree the girls should meet. Michelle Trachtenberg reminds me so much of Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions.

A New Face in the Neighborhood

Bree and Orson are dividing up their belongings (deciding who gets to keep the pewter cat figurine) and Orson is still begging for forgiveness. She tells him to turn himself in… but he’s not willing to go to jail.

Gaby and Carlos decide to take in a boarder in their spare room to help out with their financial troubles. They interview an art student named Ellie (Justine Bateman aka Mallory Keaton), and decide to offer her a lease. Little do they know, she’s a businesswoman as well. 

Susan’s sleazy ex-husband Karl and his new girlfriend (now wife) Marissa show up at Susan’s Lamaze class. Marissa is pregnant too. Karl is a jerk, going on and on about his law professor wife and saying to Susan: “Look how fat you are!” I’d have punched him.

 

She’s Baaaaack….

‘Tis the season for SATs and everyone has their own methods for passing. Some study, some pay off stand-ins, some don’t worry. Chuck has done some research for Serena on Georgina. According to him, she’s far away—and that’s a little disappointing since Georgina apparently brought out the devil in Serena. Clearly, he at least knows a little about her past. Just when Serena thinks she has nothing to worry about, Georgina shows up as “the ghost of parties past.”

Blair is still playing hardball with little J to win back the girls. She is hosting a spa/study session that night. The girls pick her. That’s all right; J’s new plan is to find a king to complement her when she takes over as queen. So far all she’s spotted is a dog-walker.

The question of the night is: Who set fire to Rick’s? Tom is the obvious suspect, and since Lynette usually knows when he is lying she keeps baiting him to trip up. It doesn’t work though, and he stands firm that he didn’t do it and doesn’t need an alibi.

Dylan gets pulled over and questioned by a suspicious cop. He claims she didn’t slow for a construction zone (which she didn’t see a sign for). He wants to know where she went to school and checks her ID. After letting her off with a warning, he gets back in his car… where the newspaper is with Dylan’s picture circled.

Hey gang, Gossip Girl is back! Have you seen the new ads? OMFG. Well, okay, things weren’t that hot tonight, but no doubt they will be soon.

Things started off with Blair in a Breakfast at Tiffany’s re-creation; only instead of Audrey Hepburn chasing after her cat it’s Blair… or Jenny? Nate steps out from behind a corner and calls her Jenny. This must be a nightmare. B wakes up and has to face the wreckage of her life since she was dethroned as Queen Bee before spring break.

Jenny is trying desperately to fit in with her new crowd (a.k.a. Blair’s old crowd), and it’s obvious she’s out of her league. She went to Aspen with Hazel, she owes $120 for brunch already, and the label-speak is just lost on her. How will she ever keep up?

The sign at Greenwood rehab reads: “A man is only as sick as his secrets.” If that’s the case, then Orson Hodge is one sick man. Lurking in his dark past is one very dark secret, and it has to do with Mike Delfino. His secret is that he met Mike the night that his (Orson’s) mother murdered his mistress. He began to suspect Mike might know something, so he hit Mike with car—causing him to land in that coma.  

Now Orson is on his way to visit Mike in rehab, at Mike’s request. He’s nervous that Mike may have remembered “something dangerous.” After a lot of beating around the bush, Mike just wants to apologize for putting Orson in the position to write out his prescription for pain pills so he could get his fix. He feels better, and so does Orson—at least consciously.

Carlos is worried he’s becoming a burden. No one in the neighborhood has minded helping him out… except Gaby. Then again, I’m sure no one else has had to listen to him whine about having carrot squares in his soup. He’s bored; Gaby’s bored, and lunch with the girls calls. At lunch Bree tells everyone that the Founders Ball is coming up. Katherine is an experience event planner and offers to help. Bree agrees, to everyone’s shock, and Edie finally says what they’re all thinking: These two will kill each other. Far funnier was Lynette who piped in to say she faced cancer and a tornado, but she’s running from this.

Your favorite housewives on Wisteria Lane are finally back and dishing up all their usual drama. Tonight the theme is faith and we all want to know what secret from Katherine Mayfair’s past is going to be exposed. Now that Adam is gone and her life is in pieces, Katherine begins to think back on her past mistakes. She flashes back to her first husband, Wayne Davis, and how he used to hit her again and again, until she finally hit back… and killed him? We’ll have to wait and see.

The gals arrive bearing muffins and jam to show their support. Katherine thinks they just want details, but they try to convince her they’re there to help. No luck. She sends them off with their gifts, but not before Bree gets a chance to say she was surprised it was Adam who left Katherine. Afterward, we see Katherine sitting outside, thinking about the “mistakes she’d made and the one she’d buried,” while looking down at a cross made out of stones on the ground below her. Something tells me the old husband is long gone now. 

The guys are on the beach trying to make Maya’s science project (a volcano) erupt. Cooper and Pete question Sam about Naomi and he denies it. They’re relieved; Oceanside does not need any more office relationship drama. Speaking of which, Cooper runs off for another tryst with Charlotte, and a friendly argument over who gets to be good cop or bad cop. She wins for now. She’s got a parenting class to find a teacher for, and Cooper steals an important packet of information out of her bag.

The girls stroll in to work and Addison tries to convince Naomi to just talk to Sam. Violet is still out of the loop. Addison goes off to smooth things over with Pete and they decide to try the “friend” thing. Boo. The office is out of whack. Trash hasn’t been taken out, the temperature isn’t right, and it’s all because Dell is not in yet. He comes in and asks Sam to help him with something: He wants him to take a look at his “pa-pa.” Thankfully it’s his grandfather and not what Sam thinks. Dell thinks his grandfather Wendell and his friend Nate are being abused at their nursing home.

It’s an odd day at Oceanside. Staff members trickle in wearing disguises (think hats and glasses) and hope that they don’t run into one another following a night of awkward situations. The women are in Naomi’s office rehashing the evening, and Sam and the guys are all gathered in the break room. He says they should talk about the women, since the gals are clearly talking about them.

Both Addison and Violet are after Naomi for advice. Addison can’t believe she was stood up, and Violet is feeling rejected for her nakedness. Naomi almost spills on her late-night office tryst. None of them want to go to the break room for coffee, so Addison heads downstairs to buy some. She ends up in line behind Carl, who is definitely not as hot as Pete, but they hit it off. When she gets back upstairs she runs into Pete, and tells him that personally he’s been downgraded to acquaintance. She didn’t even give him a chance to explain.

Addison and Pete pick up where they left off last time, with a steamy make-out session on the countertop. She tells him she doesn’t want to be “just another notch in his acupuncture table,” but they agree to hook up after work anyway. They steal a few more moments until Dell busts them and says not to worry, this scenario will be “locked in the Dell vault.”

Elsewhere, Violet has a fit about bananas, which is just a cover for her not getting any man-action. A patient named Susan is scheduled to come in for her water birth, which Pete and Addison will be working together for. And can I just say: Tim Daly is h-o-t. It’s distracting. Sam gets a phone call from a patient to make a house visit, but the caller hangs up before he can get much information out of her. Cue the baby boom.

Naomi is at Addison’s getting ready for a date with a random guy who we never meet. The doorbell rings and Addison opens the door to find none other than Pete (not the date, naturally). He’s mildly drunk and very flirty, and he wants Addison to join him next door where he’s been playing poker with Cooper and Sam and drinking… wine? Maybe he just brought that bottle over as bait. Somehow I doubt that’s what they were having on a boy’s night.

She shuts him down, but he insists he could also come in and they could get to know each other outside the office. No go. She sends him off. Since when would the Addison Montgomery we know not take advantage of this. When did she turn into such a good girl?

Ah the elevator… enter Addison and Pete. Friendly banter. Whoa, who is this guy, and what has he done with Dr. Wilder? Clearly this can’t be real… thunk. Addison topples out of bed, midway through the awkwardly sexy scene. Well, if they’re not going to put these two together in real time, I guess a dream will do for now.

At the morning meeting Pete tells Addison she looks hot and the whole room falls silent. He means flushed. Moving on, there is a healthy round of applause for what is to be Dell’s first solo pap smear today. Hilarious.

Naomi and Violet corner Addison about her Pete fantasies and Violet starts confessing her Bill Clinton fantasy. They talk about scratching the itch, so to speak, and Addison says she doesn’t do that kind of thing—leaving the other two speechless. They try to convince her later that self-pleasure would help her to steer her clear of Pete. Sam overhears and of course he tells Pete, who proceeds to give Addison a hard time about it all day at work.

Tonight was all about making connections and believing in miracles. While Sam promotes the book he wrote about the mind/body connection, Addison tries desperately to connect with her co-workers at Oceanside, and to believe she still has a chance at fertility.

In the morning meeting, Addison reminds everyone she has invited them over after work and no one has responded. That’s because everyone forgot, except good old Dell. In the hallway later, Violet asks Cooper if he’s going and tells him she’s at the age where she’s “done with new people.” Would it kill her to give Addison a chance? Plus, I’m pretty sure Violet needs all the “new people” she can get. After all, she seems to spend most episodes wandering around on the verge of a breakdown.

It’s pouring rain. Only Addison is not in Seattle anymore, she’s in LA, so she’s having a meltdown about the weather—but it’s not just the weather, it’s everything. She doesn’t think she fits in at Oceanside, and it seems her dream that everything would be different in LA is turning out to be more like a mirage. Naturally, Naomi sticks it to her and says it’s time she makes some friends and learns to play well with others. Namely, I hope this means she’ll be spending some time with Pete, but he’s got his own problems.

Pete is standing out in the rain with an umbrella in a cemetery talking to his dead wife Anna’s grave. This week is the anniversary of her death and Violet thinks it is good for him because he’s in a rut. We don’t know anything about Pete’s wife, but when he said, “you were a lousy wife and I hated you,” that pretty much summed things up I think.