The Cannes Kids finally make it to the Cannes film festival. The very cheesy opening shows us the entire Cannes “scene.” Between Ari saying, not once but twice, that he is master of the universe; the very large penis ice sculpture standing next to Lloyd and the harem of “loose” women during this episode, I must say that the writers have outdone themselves. Even more interesting is that Drama is the one I love in the end.

So, the crew tries to stay positive during this episode about the fate of Medellin. Again, Vince says that he needs E to believe in the film and that it will sell. No one is convinced of E’s interest or enthusiasm. At the hotel, while Vince, E and Turtle get the dream suite, Drama’s room is unavailable because the hotel has no record of his reservation. Drama also continually refers to Viking Quest, his first television series that no one seems to remember, except for one beautiful woman he meets later on at Yair Marx’s party. More on that later. If you recall, Yair was to be the Medellin producer, but after a weird sexual to-do with his wife, Vince and crew left Yair’s money at the table. Yair shows up at the hotel and invites them to the party. He explains that he wants to buy Medellin so that his new distribution company can put out the film.

Eric and his new client, Anna, seem at first to be more than just manager and client. They talk on the phone like some high school romance. All the boys want him to admit that he has a “clush” – a client crush. E invites Anna to their party. When she shows up, Billy decides he wants to rewrite the new script to make Vince’s character’s brother into a sister so she can be in the film.

At the party, E tells Ari he likes Billy’s script, but Ari basically talks the truth out of him. E finally admits he really hates it but is being positive for the sake of the film he signed on to produce. Ari tells him, “You finally learned how to lie - welcome to Hollywood.” I noticed that Ari never really looks at other women. He’s pretty devoted to his wife, and their relationship is pretty realistic. They fight about things in a wonderfully passive aggressive way. He asks her if she really wants to go to Cannes, and she says that “fine” she doesn’t want to go. Ari is convinced she’s the best wife in the world. Later on, Lloyd tells Ari that of course she wants to go to Cannes and that “fine” didn’t mean fine. Several Mrs. Ari shopping sprees later, we see that Lloyd is right. I felt like someone was waving their finger in my face and chanting, “nannynannypoopoo” tonight. Gosh, I’d like to go buy a Maybach and then go shoe and other accessory shopping all day long (while donning 3 inch heels and a size 0 dress).

This episode starts with the boys telling E he won’t be able to manage Anna Faris because either he will want to date her or she will be too high maintenance. I use the word, “date,” loosely here. Neither is really true in the end, but we realize that E does have to learn how to juggle his clients better. When E tells Vince that he has to go to Anna’s photo shoot, Vince tells E that he hopes that managing her won’t cause Vince’s career to suffer. Vince actually sounds manipulative in this scene (if I thought Adrian Grenier could pull off acting manipulative or if I thought Vince Chase was smart enough to know how to be manipulative). I think it was jealousy talking.

On the phone with Ari, studio executive, Dana Gordon, is yelling about how she’s read twelve pages of Billy Walsh’s new script, and she doesn’t understand what she’s read. Just as a reminder, Dana’s studio bought the rights to the film, Lost in the Clouds, and hired Billy Walsh, Vince Chase and E as the “dream team” to develop the film because Medellin was such a success. Unfortunately, Billy’s inner-nut-job takes over and creates some futuristic film that is so far from the script the studio paid him millions to make, it even has a different title, “Silo.” Ari reads the script and is horrified at how bad it is, so he dashes off to Billy’s house and finds him adamantly opposed to rewriting the script. Ari then tells Dana to just fire Walsh and that he will find a replacement director/writer forthwith.

I was a little confused for a second tonight because I couldn’t figure out where Vince and the boys were. I realized about half way through the show that they had bought a new house. I suppose I was distracted by all the testosterone.

The show starts with E looking for the new house and getting directions from Turtle. Anna Faris (of Scary Movie and allegedly Cameron Diaz in Lost in Translation), slams right into E’s car. When he approaches her to get her information, she apologizes for being distracted and asks him not to come any closer because she’s wrapped in a towel. They giggle over his open fly, how she’s not very practical for not wearing clothes in the car and that, ha ha, she doesn’t have her wallet. They exchange digits, though.

This week, E struggles to be independent and make a name for himself as Vincent Chase’s manager. The problem is that no one will really believe him because no one has heard of him. E shows the boys his new office, which isn’t in the best part of town. Drama makes fun of E for his meager digs, but E is ready for the fight. E lets Vince know he’s going to set up a meeting with Peter Jackson (Lord of the Kings director) for some gaming venture. Later, Ari calls E to put him in his place because Peter Jackson’s “people” have called asking who E is. Ari attempts to tell him like it is, but E is still determined and says he can make his own meetings without permission. Unfortunately, Ari, E’s rival in this episode (like most episodes), is the representative of record. E then tries to take out an ad in Variety, but the woman taking down the order explains that E has to show proof from Ari of being Vince’s manager before using Vince’s name.

Vince, Drama and Turtle then set out to get E an office-warming gift. They stumble across this beautiful old desk with a ton of history, with Mickey Rooney having used it in Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Robert DeNiro having previously owned it. The problem is that Gary Busey already bought it, which the naughty sales woman broke confidentiality to tell them. By the way, the furniture store scene had, yet another excellent cameo, this time, by the priest on Six Feet Under. (I love the spot-the-walk-on guest game; it’s like playing Where’s Waldo?)

Over breakfast, Drama, Turtle and Vince tell E he can’t have unemotional sex because he loves falling in love. They can’t remember a time when E didn’t call a girl or send her flowers. As if this is a bad thing. Using Turtle as a pawn, the boys bet $5,000 that E can have sex with a woman before Turtle can, by the end of the day. I felt kind of bad for Turtle because he really gets the short end of the stick.

Vince takes E under this wing and off they go. The teams take different approaches. E and Vince head to the local trend-setting hotel pool club, while Drama and Turtle go to the classifieds online. Turtle finds a girl interested in a short, cuddly twenty-something. The woman makes him pick up a bunny suit at the cleaners and meet her at her house. They all think something kinky is going to happen, but I’m thinking the whole time, that something unfavorable is on its way.

About five times during this episode, someone speaks of Bill being a good man. He even says it himself once. They’re trying really hard to convince us, don’t you think? The characters also use the word “vile” a lot. Can anyone get comfortable with who they are? Any show could take a lesson from Big Love character development, though.

Margene’s lush of a mother comes to visit tonight, and she’s played by Bonnie Bedelia. Up until now, I think we’ve really been waiting for this great insight into Margie’s life. When mom, Ginger, arrives, the backyards of the three homes have been cordoned off into three separate neighborly yards and the sham begins. Margie explains that she, her husband, Bill, and the neighbors, Nikki and Barb, are very close and very conservative, which means no drinking, smoking or swearing. This proves to be pretty difficult for Ginger. They all eat dinner together and reminisce over basically one good time, which involves Margene not liking her head and Ginger poking fun. Ginger also whines that she hopes Bill won’t pray again, and Barb, never sounding so cultish to me before, says, “Prayer is not a stranger in any of our homes, Ginger.” After dinner, Ginger confesses that she’s jealous of Margene’s perfect life and since apparently Margie has never heard this before, she’d rather not tell her mom about her polygamist life. Unfortunately, Ginger opens the window to smoke and sees Bill and Barb steal a kiss over the fence. Convinced they’re having an affair behind her poor daughter’s back, the girl who always clung to men and hung around with oddballs, Ginger tells Nikki about what she witnesses and somehow causes Nikki to disclose the marriages.

“Please don’t be mean to me today, Ari.”
Sigh. What is better than Ari and Lloyd’s relationship? Maybe only the Nina Simone song at the end of this episode. I realized that so much happens in 30 minutes because they talk so fast. I wish I could remember more of the Ari and Lloyd quips.

E is very consistent and says he wants to find someone else to direct Lost In the Clouds, but Ari tells him that he sold Lost in the Clouds as a package and pulled off a miracle.

At breakfast, Drama makes everyone waffles, and Turtle tries to convince everyone to go visit his infamous cousin Ronnie. No one really seems excited by the notion. Turtle explains that his confidence in Ronnie is because of all the money and things Ronnie has collected in the past. Following the typical Entourage format, only Johnny Drama will go with Turtle, and E and Vince have better things to do. Later, Drama and Turtle meet Ronnie in the parking lot of a seedy motel. Ronnie is pretty burly and sketchy, and I wondered for a minute if he was once on the Sopranos. Like Ron Howard (Howard Cunningham) on Laverne & Shirley or Jennie Garth (Kelly Taylor) on Melrose.

One of the many things I love about Entourage is it’s nutty random cameos. This week boasted Snoop Doggy Dogg and, none other than, Bob Balaban, the king of funny (Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, Seinfeld - as the NBC exec in love with Elaine). From script to script to script, this episode was packed.

In the mall, the boys shop with Johnny Drama for his first day back on the set of his tv series. It's kind of like the first day of school, with mommy (Vince) providing the credit card. I loved the Pretty Woman reference from Turtle, too. Johnny notices a guy with this pothead hat that he must have. When Turtle and Johnny arrive at the non-descript address of the store where he can pick one up, they notice the smell of “fine herb.” It turns out that the store is really a medical marijuana facility, and in order to even buy a hat, they need a prescription.

All the guys are now crashing at Johnny Drama’s. We open to Turtle looking through Johnny’s cabinets to find only health food. Turtle is feeling a little displaced because he can’t masturbate in private and can’t find decent food to eat. Poor guy. Does he realize that he’s out of work because Vince hasn’t a dime, and he’s lucky to be living on Drama’s air mattress?

And yes, ok, we get it, Vince can get the girl and always does. Johnny Drama can never get the girl, even when it seems like the “girl” is throwing herself at him. Tonight, Johnny meets up with his lover from the 90s. Gosh, they make the 90s sound so long ago. Lisa Rinna plays the “old” flame. After all that Dancing with the Stars and playing Roxie Hart in Chicago, I’d be glad to look like her when I’m her age. With her, she brings her friend, Marjorie, who is being set up with Turtle. He is appalled because Marjorie is not exactly his type, but because Drama begs him, and because, let’s face it, they’re all good guys in the end, Turtle agrees to take one for the team. Lisa Rinna’s character decides to trade Drama for Turtle, though, and Drama ends up nearly drowning in a hot tub to flee Marjorie’s voluptuous grasp. (This would be covered in the more advanced Women’s Studies course, by the way.)

And we’re back.

The three storylines during this episode include Drama throwing a party for Vince’s return to LA; the problem at Ari’s daughter’s school and the suspense of seeing the first cut of the movie, Medellin. I guess everyone can decide for herself which is the main one.

Drama is finally the one with the cool pad, which he actually owns, and decides to throw Vinny a welcome home party. He begins dismantling his condo piece by piece so that none of the partygoers will ruin his couch, swing from the chandelier or use his toilet. He’s actually locked the bathroom and put a porta-san in the hallway. (I did enjoy watching Drama make fool out of himself here.) In typical Turtle fashion, he gives Drama trouble about his dorky behavior and violates the rules by giving a girl the combination to the bathroom after she agrees to show him her chest. The second Vince leaves, the party is over, and Drama tells everyone to go to Vince and E’s hotel room. Madness ensues with Michael Anthony Hall urinating off the ledge and Vince and E getting evicted. They are quite literally homeless and penniless at the end of this episode.

Meanwhile, Vince and E head to Billy’s production facility to see the film, but Billy, as usual, is a mess and stalls on the screening. A few strong words from E later, the most authoritative yet, and Billy flees on a motorcycle.

Just to catch you up on Season 3 before we roll ahead into Season 4…

During the last episodes of Season 3, Vince and E spend millions of dollars on their dream script, “Medellin,” and I cringe the whole time. Vince is also wooed by his new (and several episodes later, former) agent and Medellin financier. Otherwise, not all that much happened, though we did see a little more character development: Sloane isn't some stereotypical girlfriend and not only gets along with other women but doesn't care if her boyfriend has a boy's night out; we learn that E is a wimp - oh yeah, that’s right - we already knew that; Ari's wife does more than roll her eyes; even talent agents get depressed; Drama gets a part in a tv series (and continues to annoy the heck out of me) and Turtle… What's the point of Turtle anyway? Bad acting, bad hair, uber Queens and never has an interesting storyline except for flirting with the mechanic’s cute daughter. (By the way, I’m allowed to say that because I’m from Queens.)

Now that we’re all caught up, the first episode of Season 4 takes us behind the scenes to the set of Medellin. Is this a disaster waiting to happen or what?