• Did Brad Womack plan to propose to DeAnna Pappas during the season 11 finale? Apparently he was, which is why it was a shock to everyone on the show’s production team when Brad woke up the morning of the finale and announced he wasn’t choosing either woman. “He couldn’t see himself with either of those chicks and so he blew them both off,” said the show’s creator, Mike Fleiss, in a recent Entertainment Weekly interview.

• Don’t expect Jenni Croft, the first rejected finalist on this season’s Bachelor, to be crying. She recently told a TV station in Phoenix that she is back with an ex-boyfriend and “completely over” Brad.

• Expecting another happy ending from The Bachelor’s sixth season winners Byron Velvick and Mary Delgado? The couple announced their plan to wed next November on this season’s The Bachelor: After The Final Rose special, but don’t hold your breath. Delgado was arrested for assaulting Velvick and was charged with misdemeanor domestic battery. After being admitted to the Pinellas County Jail, she was released on her own recognizance.

• Annoyed with The Bachelor? Well how about switching to The Bachelorette? ABC has announced that it will premiere a new season in Summer 2008. The last season aired in Spring 2005 and starred The Bachelor’s third-season winner Jen Schefft. No word on whether Jenni or DeAnna will be the next Bachelorette. The next edition of The Bachelor will air in Spring 2008.

Tonight we get the answers we've been desperately seeking!

On a side note: That's right, Brad, I hope you cry just a little bit. I hope you show me that you're real and not permanently affixed to a teleprompter. I want to believe all the rumors -- of having a child, of texting your ex throughout this season, of being gay, of going on solely to promote your bars -- are bunk.

But instead, I only find myself frustrated, angry, and with more questions that ever before. I feel like Brad and I just broke up! Tear!

That, and I kept having very nagging thoughts ... a sport of angel/devil situation on the shoulder, if you will. If you don't like subversive commentary...uh, don't read the bold parts.

Well tonight's the night we’ve all been waiting for!

It only took 119 roses, 57 days and 9 episodes, but we finally made it. Finale time -- meaning finito, decision time, no take-me-backs. In other words, make it to the Starlight-Room-or-get-off-the-pot time.

Who would Brad choose: The pretty brunette or the pretty brunette? Decisions, decisions. Either one could make or break it, really. But that twist ending they've been threatening the past two weeks? Simply maddening. He could either beg to date both (a la Bret Michaels on Rock of Love), choose Jenni, choose DeAnna, or choose neither.

I mean you already know who I think is going to win (I won't give it away by saying whom, just that her name rhymes with Pre Cana, or Rhianna, or whatever floats your boat).

OK, so the women are “telling all” during this episode ... not that every episode wasn't already an over-share. Wasn't this tell-all usually the last episode? The rejected girls would tell all, and then out would come the bachelor and the chosen female and everyone would rag on them and it'd all be well and good, right?

Instead, the formula is getting shaken up: The women would rag on the bachelor and final two women. Now, the program will act as an hour-long promo for the finale. Brilliant on your part, producers.

Cabo Cabo Cabo.

Repeat: This is NOT Laguna Beach.

Tonight, Jenni will show Brad how she feels.

DeAnna will tell Brad how she feels.

And Bettina will try to save what she has with Brad.

What's with the grammatical lesson, Chris? Guess we had to feel his influence somewhere, as he didn't appear once in tonight's episode. The show wouldn't even fly its own host to Cabo? Le cheapskates!

So remember back in the day when you took your first significant other to meet your folks? It was probably the holidays and you were sooo in looove and just knew that you and Whats-Their-Name would stay together 4-eva.

Then, something happened. It didn’t work out. For years afterward you were tortured by family members continuing to ask about Whats-Their-Name, who haunted over your life like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Why, no, Aunt Pam, I haven’t spoken to Bob in 5 years, but I’m sure he’s doing swell. Yes, Grammy, I know you think Chris was the closest I’ve ever come to walking down the aisle, but don’t hold out hope we’ll ever get back together – I’m pretty sure his wife would be opposed. The lesson: Unless down the line it’s going to involve some sort of ceremony, stay away from blood relatives.

Brad Womack, Mr. Glutton-For-Punishment, appears to have not gotten the memo.

Just one thing: S.T.B.Y.

Sorry, Hillary; tonight, it just rather Sucked To Be You.

Not that there wasn't tons of other action abounding. In tonight’s episode, Bettina was all, "Like OMG, I’m going on a single date," and Kristy was all, "Like OMG, and I’m not" and Sheena was all, "Like OMG, I like fell down the steps!" and Jenni was all, "Like OMG you are here for the wrong reasons!" and Hillary was all, "Like OMG Brad I love you and want to have your babies!" and Brad was all, "Like OMG ... F’real?!"

I sure am glad my DVR is smarter than I am.

I never would have remembered that The Bachelor was on tonight at its new time slot if it was not brizilliant. This, coming from someone who hangs on the program’s every word. DVRs are so choice; if you do not have one, I highly recommend picking one up.

Believe it or not, bloggers are, in fact, human. And, from time to time, we’re wrong.

So it probably comes as no surprise that we were totally blown away by Jenni’s elimination.*

So if you missed last night's episode of The Bachelor, you missed a heck of a lot.

Yadda yadda yadda opening montage of the past two episodes...

Yadda yadda yadda "and the dream dates begin..."

Puh-lease -- pipe dreams is more like it.

We’re back for episode two!

We haven’t been this excited since, uh, um, episode one!

So last night Kristy was all “Like OMG this house is so amazing!” and Michele was all “Like OMG I fell down the steps!” and McCarten was all “Like OMG kiss me!” and Jenni was all “Like OMG but I want the rose!” and Jade was all “Like OMG but Jenni brought her modeling portfolio!” and Brad was all like “Uh…”

That pretty much sums up last night’s episode…

I won’t lie; I don’t watch a lot of The Bachelor and I know little about it. I remember Andrew Firestone and Jennifer Schefft (love her!), but other than that, meh, not so much.

Say all you want, but apathy is the perfect attitude for a commentator to have, considering these whiny bimbos have done nothing except show off monster cleavage and enough frosted tips to convince me that global warming is no longer affecting the planet.

So it goes.

Hey, guess what starts tonight?!

If you said Heroes or Chuck, get out. Seriously.

I kid, I kid.

So we already stalked The Bachelor himself, Brad Womack, but what’s the deal with the ladies?

Being Excel-inclined, we compiled a handy field guide for this season’s bachelorettes. It has all the statistical data you could ever want for tonight's premiere.

I blame the Internet (read: “Al Gore”) for the fact that I can now stalk the bachelor. That’s right, the Brad Womack. All from the comfort and convenience of my own cozy desk chair. Excuse me while I adjust my mood lighting … cue Barry White ... ah, better.

You have to give the man credit – he’s proving quite the elusive one. No Facebook profile, no Myspace profile, nothing. I can’t find out anything about this guy, what he’s done or where he’s going. I feel like we’re dating.

But, Internet Schminternet. I'm determined to learn more about this man. It's all for you, loyal reader! Thus, the quest begins...

An entire season has come and gone, and the ending was sweet, as always. From recaps to video medleys to special performance encores, nothing can take this moment away from us.

16 million votes later...

... and we have a winner!

Spoiler alert: Sabra Johnson is America’s favorite dancer!

Over the past 21 episodes, we’ve commiserated over results, shared laughs over failed routines and basically made fun of everything we can think of when it comes to these guys.

Yet, despite it all, these are your top 2 girls and top 2 guys. Take that however you will, America.

Welcome back to So You Think You Can Dance!

So last night was Thursday’s show and, if you were like me, your interest had rather waned by the actual viewing. It had just been awhile, is all. It was even more difficult to write about.

So instead of weighing you down with heavy commentary on a lighter episode, let’s play my new favorite game – First Impressions. Here's how it works: All we're writing down is our first impressions of everything. And what do you know, we’re just in time for the opening number!

Well well well, looks like all those rumors all over the Internet aren’t true -- or are they?

A little bird has been saying that top four are going to be…

Oh what kind of a commentator do you think I am? That I’d ruin it for you? Hardly fair -- not to say I don’t have tons of other dirt on the show’s contestants.

Come one, come all gossipmongers -- you know you love it!

We have only one show this week (thank you so much, FOX sports special on NFL pre-season football … NOT). Then, to add insult to injury, everything was condensed down into an hour-long program.

Heaven forbid we cut off the Mensa members appearing on Don’t Forget the Lyrics!

Our show is hitting the big time!

Stellar ratings, a national tour, 8 million votes last night ... heck, even Perez Hilton randomly posted Danny and Lacey's samba routine today. A week late, but, hey, it's great to see the kids getting some more airplay.

Muy caliente!

Nobody ever said it was easy to come back to the office after a vacation. A relaxing getaway to the beach, free from work and television, were exactly what the doctor ordered. That’s right, this is the same 15-people-in-an-apartment vacation whose description you previously endured.

One night, my cousin and I were on the deck when, suddenly, she turned to me.

“You will not believe what my new favorite tv show is,” she said. “Have you ever watched So You Think You Can Dance?”

Oh, have I.

It was just another day on SYTYCD, full of questionable fashion and tearful goodbyes.

Oh, who are we kidding? We were all licking our chops and waiting for THE APOLOGY.

Would Mia acknowledge what had happened? Would Wade say anything about his piece?

Dear John Mayer,

Your song now annoys the crap out of me.

Sincerely,
Kristen

We're baaaaaack!

This just in: So You Think You Can Dance has been renewed for a fourth season -- like there was ever any doubt!

Yes, Cat Deeley, you will live to see more sparkles.

So you think you can
Da na na na
So you think you can
Da na na na
So you think you can
Da na na na
So you think you can dance (dance dance dance dance…)

Welcome to Thursday’s eliminations show, where the untrained dancers get cut and the skilled ones with so-solos get to stay!

Something strange is a-brewin'.

I loved everything about Cat's ensemble. Since that never happens, it must be the greatest day ever. Thereby, I now decree yesterday in America to be Cat Deeley Day. You can celebrate by bleaching your teeth ... and hair ... and watching reality TV. Come to think of it, every day should be Cat Deeley Day! I'm starting as soon as I set foot outside the office. Extensions, ahoy!

Having a guest directer/preacher/choreographer judge: Unknown dollars.

Having Hilary Duff perform on your program: Unknown dollars.

Attending the premiere of Hairspray: Unknown dollars.

Last night's episode of So You Think You Can Dance: priceless.

Perhaps Cat’s ensembles are supposed to provoke us into viewing So You Think You Can Dance. With that faux-Pucci-vomit ensemble, how could they not? However, since you were already seen modeling her amazing suspenders, Cat, it seems you should take Coco Chanel's advice that before you leave the house, take one thing off and put it back (except you should then repeat this ritual many more times than Ms. Chanel).

Back in the non-My-Little-Pony world, the fabulous Adam Shankman (of Hairspray fame) was guest hosting. He looked like a mix between George W. "Strategery" Bush and Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle. And rightfully so -- he seems hilarious.

It won’t be soon before long that So You Think You Can Dance reappears. Anyone else bummed there weren’t any episodes last week? A whole seven days without criticizing Cat's world-of-no wardrobe has left me extra snarky (hello, just because your lederhosen are Chanel does not make them cool!). National holiday, schmashional schmoliday – my DVR rests for no network!

On that note, I figured, why not preview the upcoming two episodes? My hands have been itching to hit the keys once more.

When I was a summer camp counselor, the staff show was Little Shop of Horrors. To viewers, the main feature may have been watching this tiny, singing plant eventually take over the world, but for me it was watching my boyfriend at the time (playing Seymour) have to kiss my friend/our director (who played Audrey). Hey, you just don’t get that many non-cheating opportunities to critique who you’re going out with’s, er, technique. Needless to say, the memory hadn’t crept up for awhile until, oddly enough, last night’s SYTYCD episode.

Sex!

Drugs!

Debauchery!

Totally kidding; it’s another sugary sweet episode recap of So You Think You Can Dance.

Oh man, did I get you good or what?