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As a treat for those of us who have watched all 3.5 hours of Paula’s hectic life in front of the camera, we were given flashbacks of classic moments through the season, never-before-seen clips, bloopers and a sentimental ending.
In the midst of all of that, it was as though scenes were shoved in just to fill space, or more importantly, plug some of Paula’s peeps and projects. She paid an unexpected visit to her best friend/hair stylist Daniel at his salon, and expected him to do her hair, as well as her assistant’s. Later, Daniel showed us how Paula sleeps while he does her makeup. We’re talking mascara, eye liner and all! So she’s an insomniac who snoozes while being made over. Interesting. Wonder if Mabelline has a wake-up proof mascara.
We also caught Paula on a business call while at a doctor appointment. I suppose the point was to let everyone know that her boobs are real, as opposed to what was suggested in a rag article she was discussing with her publicist … while she had blood taken! Ick!
The biggest plugs of all were for Paula’s new reality show, Shut Up And Dance, for which she auditioned dancers, and Dr. Song, the dude giving her a massage while Access Hollywood was at her house. She explained to AH’s Billy Bush that when she tripped over her dog (which made national headlines for some reason!), she didn’t break her nose, but she did tear cartilage, hurt her hip and chip a tooth. Surely, there was more exciting entertainment news to report than Paula getting a rub down and clarifying her fall. (And you thought the Paris in prison coverage was ridiculous!)
Before I even dive into this episode, I want to share a couple of things. First, I caught a promo for the Bratz movie the other day. You know, the one that Paula had worked so hard designing the clothes for, then they called and said they didn’t need her services and she flipped out. I have to say, I actually thought, “Poor Paula. She’s going to throw something at the TV when she sees this.” You know that’s going to set her off into a crying fit.
Second, while watching Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List, I again found myself thinking about Ms. Abdul and comparing the two celebs. These ladies have four things in common that instantly popped out; they both have a reality show on Bravo, they are both very wealthy, they are both loved by gay men, and they both make me laugh. However, the last similarity is for two completely different reasons. I laugh with Kathy; I laugh at Paula. Their differences are just as obvious. When Kathy cries, I get teary; when Paula weeps, it tends to be funny. Kathy treats her entourage like friends; Paula yells at hers every chance she gets. I’m just sayin’ ...
Okay, so onto the episode. Paula was excited to bring her friends to an Academy Awards swag event, but on the way there, complained about her chronic neck pain. Once in the gift lounge, she was too busy answering her cell to hang out with her gal pals. I have no idea what the point of that segment was.
Snowed in in Philly, a giddy Paula decided to play a joke on one of her peeps by placing beef jerky, which looked like poop, in their bed. Poor Jennifer screamed her head off, which made Paula nearly piss her pants. Her laughter very quickly turned to anger when she read an email from the Bratz movie people, who informed her they didn’t need her clothing designs she worked so hard on. She cried about how poorly she’s treated and lashed out at her assistants for making noise. “I’m trying to tell a God damn story,” she yelled before heading to her private room. Yikes!
The next day, they still couldn’t leave due to the weather, so instead of oh, say, sleeping, which she complains everyday about not getting enough of, Paula and her girls went shopping in a hotel tourist gift shop. Then, finally, they got clearance to go to New York for her David Letterman appearance. All she needed was Daniel, her hair stylist, but he couldn’t be there, thanks to the snow. “Who is going to do my hair and makeup here, in New York?” she panicked. She ordered her entourage to get this dude, Billy, who “consults” her, to NY from L.A. (regardless of the flight restrictions due to the weather). She broke down about needing help. She went on and on, weeping about who-knows-what. But, alas, both men made it to the Big Apple and all was right in Paula’s world. While being prepped for her Dave interview, she realized she needed to be on top of it so he didn’t make her look silly.
Guess what? Paula Abdul is tired, and time is ticking for her to arrive at yet another event. But this time, instead of whining/slurring about how exhausted she is, the animal lover is complaining that she's so hungry she could "eat a dog." Funny because she's hosting the In Defense of Dogs party, at which she was introduced as “America‘s Sweetheart.” I wonder if the assistants she yelled at in episode 1 for not packing her sweatpants would agree. Anyway, apparently she wasn't all that hungry because she turned down M&Ms from a woman in the limo, whom I can only guess is yet another assistant. In her dressing room, Paula chomped on a carrot and tried to make a joke about the small size of Simon Cowell's, uh, stick. She reunited with some old band members from when she actually toured and was known for her catchy songs instead of being the "American Idol" judge gone wild. Paula thanked Brian McKnight for being an inspiration to so many A.I. kids, which was sweet, then headed out with a bag of popcorn. Still starving, she wanted to stop at Pink's Hotdogs for a chili cheese dog, but instead, laughed about what the tabloids would say about it. "She was drunk off of chili cheese!" she joked.
A dolled up Paula, determined to fix the publicity blunder she caused by appearing drunk and/or drugged during live TV interviews, cried to her team "I don't do recreational drugs. And I'm not drunk on television. And I’m sick and tired of people just trying to make it as though I am. Enough is enough."
She suggested having a press conference to tell the media to stop. I don’t think her people thought talking to the media was such a great idea quite yet. She had an absolute breakdown about being treated like doggie poop by the press and being quiet about it. Her team planned to have Paula do “positive” interviews and every appearance they assign her, one of which was a gifting suite so she can score free swag. She was nervous that marketers wouldn't want her associated with their products. Hey, Paula! If all else fails, surely you can be a spokesperson for vodka or legal meds.
In the first episode, didn't Paula complain about always being on the "Worst Dressed" list? And now she's winning a fashion icon award in New York. Her publicist handed Paula her the acceptance speech on their drive to the show -- and she arrived unfashionably late! As Tim Gunn introduces her, she’s busy greeting fans. “Thank you and I’m very vertically challenged,” she said at the podium, which made no sense.
Then a woman handed her the speech, but it was upside-down with the papers in the wrong order. So, instead of trying to speak from her heart and thank the audience, she stumbled on her words. She made up for it by making a joke about Simon Cowell. She then mingled with the peeps who attended. After leaving at 2:30 a.m., she went to Starbucks and babbled to the baristas while trying to stay balanced. At least she entered her limo without showing her undies. Phew!
Do, do you love her? We've all heard and seen Paula Abdul in moments that perhaps appeared as if she was not sober. She has denied such allegations. Now she has cameras following her day-to-day activities, so we can see, straight up, what it's like to be Paula.
While getting ready for the Grammys, she put a gazillion dollar borrowed diamond jewelry on her dog, unaware that her other pup, appropriately named Chops, was munching on a ring! It was all fun and games to her, while her stylist, Kiley, was about to have a heart attack. But all the gems were fine. No harm done.... which wasn't the case when the people behind the Bratz doll movie didn't contact her until two months after she was done designing and preparing wardrobe for the flick -- then called on Grammy day! How dare they? Don't they know she's a Grammy-winning singer and this is a big day? Paula felt like she wasn't getting any r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Throughout the show, Paula's narrative pieces gave us more insight to each situation. Though she's a bit hard to understand when she slurs. Allegedly.
The final three finally met the ultimate hair guru -- Vidal Sassoon. After he gave them a speech about giving back, how proud he is of the threesome (even though he held up four fingers, not three!), he headed out. Rene told them to pick a box that will determine the order for which they will choose their designer clothes for their challenge. Their options, Luca Luca, Cynthia Rowley, and Dina Bar-El. Daisy, Anthony and Ben linked up with the wardrobe, respectively. Then, they spent their time alone, contemplating how much they deserve the crown.
The competitors got dolled up, left the loft for the last time and strolled their luggage to the salon for the final challenge; three hours to create three distinct looks, only two of which I could actually understand what Rene was saying; they must use color in one style and could do whatever they wanted for the other. Oh, and the Nancy Kwan bob for the third. The stylists were matched up with their hair models and were given the green light. Ben's "story" he was telling through his designs was "Outer to Inner Beauty." He quickly learned that his first model is going to be upset when he cuts her hair short. Ditto Anthony's model. His story was "Modern Movement." Daisy was going for the "S Curve," sporting different waves. Problem was, her curling irons didn’t get hot due to lack of power. But she pushed through and tried pin curls for the first time. Growing frantic with watchdog Rene nearby, she dropped her bowl of hair color. Eh, the five second rule came into play. There was no more time to mix more.
Arithmetic lesson of the night When there are six remaining stylists who are given three ledgers, how many stylists are there per ledger? Easy, right? Well, it stumped this crew. "Why are there only three if there are six of us?" questioned Tabatha. They followed their map to a mall for their short cut challenge. Ben decided to get his freak on. And by freak, I mean a ninja costume, hood included. "Ben, what are you wearing? Are you having a bad hair day?" asked Jaclyn. He explained that he's showing them that he's ready for anything. "It's unusual," noted the hostess. Ya think? Jaclyn then introduced her own stylist /guest judge Jose Eber.
After pairing up, the contestants had to solicit clients and try to make the most money in two hours. Last week's winner, Tyson, got to double everyone up. He chose nemesis Tabatha to work with, while he put Boogie with Ninja Ben, and Daisy with Anthony. So basically, everyone was with someone they didn't care for.
Tabby, who is arguably the most outspoken in the bunch, was uncomfortable approaching strangers, but Tyson was ying to her yang as he wooed mall goers with his salesman-like charm. Boogie and Ben offered cuts for $5, $10 and $20, while Tyson's pitch was a cut in five minutes for bigger bucks. Anthony decided to rack in customers at $30 a pop. T&T were the last to reel anyone in, but ended up winning when they made more than the other two teams combined.
We're down to seven contestants, and the pressure is on Danna, who won the last two challenges. The stylists headed to their Short Cut Challenge, which Tabatha feared would be to groom dogs, but turned out to be to makeover some long-haired men who look like they still bang their heads to Guns N Roses. It was very Beauty and the Geek.
Dr. Boogie was thrilled to finally be working on a male, his specialty, and his competitors knew he and his infamous clippers owned this challenge. Jaclyn introduced famed hairstylist Christophe (he must be good if he only goes by one name), and they were all kind of star-struck. The Charlie's Angel then informed the gang that none of them would be offed during this gig. But when she asked Boogie who he would like to see go, he named Ben and Tyson. Ouch. The final seven picked their models and started to work their magic. Tyson talked himself up to his client, which is why Tabatha calls him FIGJAM (F--- I'm good, just ask me.) She and Boogie were totally horrified to see Ty flat-ironing his dude's hair. Nothing like making a man feel like a woman. When their hour was up, Christophe asked the clients their satisfaction level. The C-man chose Tabatha and Boogie as the top two stylists, then named Tabatha as the winner.
For the fourth installment, the 8 remaining stylists were introduced to Allure Editor in Chief Linda Wells, who informed them they had 1.5 hours to give their hair models a cut that had one look by day and another look by night that the clients would then have to transition by herself in five minutes. Still on a high from last week's win, Evangelin stuck with her hedge clippers as her chopping tool. Dr. Boogie got carried away his razor and turned his model's long red hair into a near buzz cut. While checking on the competitors' progress, Linda told the doc, "You are going to be the first person in the world to make the mullet attractive."
Once the short cut challenge time expired, Linda asked the models how they felt about their cut. Shockingly, Boogie's girl said she liked her very short 'do. Maybe she hadn't looked in a mirror quite yet. Linda noted it was "a little punky verging on ugly." Then the clock was set to 5 minutes for the models to change their hair to the night look. Danna won the challenge, then the gang had the rest of the day to relax at a spa.
Once back at their pad, the stylists were able to use the phone for 5 minutes each. Tabatha once again proved to be the coldest contestant when she couldn’t understand why everyone was weeping while talking to a loved one. Did we know Daisy was a lesbian? Apparently she is because she called her girlfriend.
With the power to choose the order the stylists will select their models, Tyson gave the group an opportunity to give their reason as to why they should go second. Daisy was offended, thinking Tyson was playing head games. Tabby was annoyed and refused to play along.
This week's short cut challenge gave the remaining stylists two hours to transform a mannequin's hair from black to a level 8 blonde. Highlights from the bit: Tabatha was annoyed with the chatty Evangelin, and just as she joked about beating her with her plastic head, karma caused the sink to water Tabs down. We learned Lacy doesn't do color because it gets everywhere and might ruin her expensive shoes. And show stealer Dr. Boogie provided laughs by referring to the challenge as a "refresher crash course of being the genius that I am." Followed by calling himself "Mad Scientist Boogie" when the hair he was working on turn blue instead of blonde. Oops!
Joining winner Tabatha (who is an off-the-charts blonde herself and was in last place last week) in the top three were Evangelin and Ben.
When the gang strolled into their fancy home, Rene was there to inform them they had to choose their next client. Tabatha, Evangelin and Ben had first choice up at the wall with headshots of everyday women next to a photo of their desired celeb hairdo. Ben clearly isn't hip on Hollywood hotties because he thought Sienna Miller was Melanie Griffith (!). They calmly chose styles that were challenging enough to show their true talent, while the rest of the group was left with only seeing the potential client headshots. No wanted look included for comparison. No orderly fashion. It was a stylist free-for-all Dr. Boogie's technique was to grab more than one, figure out which girl he liked best, then dispose of his reject pile. Smart.
The Elimination Challenge began. The stylists were told to work with their client's desire, but give their professional input if a compromise was needed. Danna was able to talk her girl into not going as blonde as Jessica Alba's photo. Jim was thrilled with his easy-going client aiming for a platinum blonde Gwen Stefani look. Daisy was stressed while consulting with her brunette client, who wanted to look like a bleached Christina Aguilera. Rene made the rounds and worried for Jim's client, as well as Daisy's. "It was like Carrot Top in drag," Boogie gasped about Jim's girl. Love him! When the two hours were up, Daisy broke down about her "bitchy" client.
The hair models pranced down the runway for judges Jaclyn, Sally, Michael and guest judge Roy Teeluck, who was offering an apprenticeship to the winner. The stylists were questioned about their decisions, as were the clients about their reaction. Jim and Daisy tried to explain away their colorful blunders. Tabatha and Evangelin made the top three once again, along with Anthony, the winner. His prize: to be featured in a Nexxus ad in Allure. He did a happy dance. The bottom two, Daisy and Jim, however, were not so happy. Jim was eliminated for his Carrot Top creation. He gave a little speech about how grateful he was just for the experience. Too bad his orange client won't be giving thanks anytime soon. Until the next trim....
Hair stylists tend to gossip and lure out secrets from their clients, so here's scoop on the premiere episode of Shear Genius.
The 12 contestants range from quiet, young blondie to loud and proud divo. Their first challenge was to create their signature hair style on a mannequin in an hour. Snooze.The finished products were mostly asymmetrical. Judges Sally Hershberger and the still-gorgeous Jaclyn Smith gave their opinions on each. What we learned through the boring challenge: Dr. Boogie is hysterical, claims to be straight and cuts hair with an electric clipper-- no scissors
necessary. Evangelin, the "crazy Italian wife," gets way too emotional while talking about being a stylist, and Lacey can look at a tree and turn it into a haircut. Uh... I'll pass.
The players felt the heat when they learned there would not only be a winner and loser of the challenge, but that everyone in between would be ranked. Women rounded out the bottom three; the quiet, but stylish Tyson won with
his modern cut.
Salon Director Rene Fris was introduced and took the lucky dozen to Michael's Art Supply store to stock up for their first elimination challenge: create a hair art masterpiece in two hours. All kinds of things were purchased including feathers, birds of paradise and a treasure box (gasp!). The outrageous styles clearly took creativity, but look painful to actually have attached to your head. Frederick Fekkai guest judged, which totally impressed the contestants. Surpisingly, the pop-open treasure box head, made by the adorable Theodore (he's 22), won the prize. Unfortunately, the cocky "I am success" Paul-Jean, who was sure to be a drama queen, was
eliminated. So chip-on-her-shoulder Tabatha might have to take over to provide entertainment with attitude.
In the midst of all of this, the gang moved into their Real World-inspired house (bunk beds and pool table included) and quickly took advantage of the provided alcohol. Disappointingly, nobody got too tipsy, and there doesn't seem to be a hot tub nearby. Shoot.
It's early in the game, but Daisy and Tyson seem to be ahead in the race.
Until the next trim....
Talk about a genius idea — Bravo’s new reality show revolving around top-notch ‘dos is bringing the Breck Girl back! That’s right, wiggle into your old Jaclyn Smith jeans because Charlie’s sexy brunette Angel is the hostess of Shear Genius.
Watch as 12 stylists compete through hair-raising challenges involving A-list celebrities and not-so-famous (read: in need of a makeover) clients in order to save themselves from being “cut” from the group. He or she who manages to “blow away” the judges will be crowned Shear Genius. Think Project Runway in a gossipy hair salon.
The judges are guaranteed to be more outspoken than your mother when you got that horrible perm. Move over Jonathan Antin, Shear Genius is handing the scissor torch to Wilhelmina model/author/hairstylist Rene Fris, who is part of the European “Fab Five.” Joining him in the judge’s chambers is bi-coastal celeb stylist Sally Herschberger, who has a big, long list of credentials to make her more than qualified to be one of three judges. All that matters is one uber important detail — she has touched Brad Pitt’s hair. And hopefully Allure Fashion Director Michael Carl will be just as honest and brutal as the Michael judge on Runway (Kors, that is).
Let your hair down on Wednesday nights and give Shear Genius a snip of your time. Each week -- right here -- I'll be recapping the show, which premieres April 11 at 10/9c. So come back and tell me what you think.
Plus, find out more about the show at BravoTV.com!
