Stephen is annoyed with J.T. for not voting for Douche in order to gain his jury vote and starts plotting with Taj to possibly vote J.T. out next if he doesn't win immunity. But he does, nearly losing a spider-shaped obstacle course/puzzle to Erinn, who rallies hard to be kept in the game over Taj. Taj, on the other hand, thinks her alliance is unshakeable. Guess what? It isn't, she's voted out, and very hurt about it. That night, J.T. and Stephen immediately regret their decision when they're stuck with Erinn, who is giddy with shock at still being in the game and annoys them with her chatty ways. The next morning, though, Erinn and Stephen agree to take the other should one of them win the final immunity challenge. Then it's time for the boring fallen comrades tribute and the final immunity challenge, which is super lame and won by J.T., who now has to choose between Erinn, who he's sure to beat, and Stephen, who he swore to take to the Final Two. In the end, the fact is that he can't lose to either of them, so he picks Stephen.

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You want a martyr approach? How about the fact that I have to watch a Douche-filled episode not once, but twice for you people? Come on! In non-Douche footage (all five minutes of it), J.T. wins the reward challenge and takes Stephen with him on an overnight reward. Erinn frets about her position back at camp with Taj. J.T. then wins the endurance immunity challenge and wants to vote Erinn out. Stephen is undecided between Douche and Erinn going into Tribal Council. And over on The Douche Show, Douche realizes that he has no control over this game and suddenly develops a bunch of excuses for his inevitable boot -- I mean, "asthma and a bad back." Though he practically begs not to go, J.T. sends Douche to Exile anyway since he's sick of hearing about how awesome Douche is at living off the land but never seeing Douche work around camp or even start a fire.

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Following Tyson's boot, Douche and Debbie start to realize that their alliance with the former members of Jalapeño might not be the best idea, since they're totally outnumbered and their alliancemates have lied to them once already. J.T. and Stephen play it off like they voted Tyson out because it was in everyone's best interests and Douche and Debbie seem to believe them, which only serves to make Stephen more suspicious of their intentions now. Then they head to the reward challenge, where everyone has to answer questions that basically spell out who is liked and who is not. Hilariously, the majority (including Douche) say that Douche has not lived up to his potential. Sierra is clearly hated by all, and Stephen wins a visit to a Brazilian house and hot springs.

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After Brendan's boot, Sierra figures she'll be the next to go unless she can convince her tribe to trust her again. Unfortunately, she goes about this by whining and crying a lot as opposed to presenting a good argument as to why a skinny little model no one seems to like might be better to take to the end than, say, Tyson. Tyson, Debbie, Erinn, and J.T. win a reward challenge trip to a Twokantees village for a food and martial arts dancing that puts Douche's warrior poses to shame, while Stephen is sent to Exile to find no new idols and Sierra doesn't manage to make any progress with Taj or Douche alone at camp. She'll have to win the immunity challenge, which is a game of Survivor shuffleboard with a slight twist -- anyone who thinks he's so safe that he doesn't need immunity can sit out the challenge and eat nasty-looking pizza. J.T., Stephen, and Douche choose this option, because Douche is a mighty warrior who aligns himself with mighty warriors, and sometimes mighty warriors step down from a battle because they want pizza, okay?

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The editors have a great time with Douche this week, as he tells ridiculous campfire stories about the time when he went kayaking in the Amazon, only to be captured by an indigenous tribe that beat him with sticks and were about to kill him and eat his assh*le (his words, not mine. Or, I'd wager, any indigenous tribe's) before he managed to escape. The rest of Forza reacts to this story with suppressed laughter and eye-rolls, and it's enough for J.T. and Stephen to consider aligning with Brendan and Sierra to vote Douche out instead after Brendan and J.T. bond during a reward white-water rafting trip and picnic. Meanwhile, Stephen is sent to Exile by himself, where he manages to start a fire and is adorably proud of his accomplishment. Tyson wins the immunity challenge again, so it's down to Brendan, Douche, or Sierra going home depending on who the old Jalapeño tribe decides to vote with and if Brendan plays his idol.

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The tribes merge this week, which Taj sees as an opportunity to put her secret alliance into action and Douche and Tyson see as an opportunity to team up with desperate Jalapeño members against Brendan. Much is said about both plans, and so neither of them actually happen. Brendan and Sierra say nothing to Taj and Stephen about the alliance, causing Taj and Stephen to think they've decided to stay with Tempura since they have the majority. On the contrary, Brendan's just lying low until Joe and J.T. are voted out to strike. Unfortunately, he doesn't tell anyone else about this plan, so when J.T. presents Stephen with an alliance with Douche, Tyson, and Debbie, he's all for it. Why would Douche and Tyson turn against their own tribe? Because they're in love with themselves and because J.T. and Stephen made sure Douche knew that Brendan had the immunity idol. Brendan told Douche he didn't have it, and so he is a liar and Douche is in full-on fake warrior mode, ready to cut off dragon heads and mount unicorns and whatever other creatures exist in his fantasy world. None of that matters in the end, though, because Joe's leg wound becomes too infected to ignore and he's air-lifted out of the game.

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As it turns out, we only really get one Douche moment all episode, which is fortunate. Unfortunately, that's because Jalapeño continues to implode and loses both challenges. Douche ruins his entire tribe's dinner by deciding that he doesn't like his beans al dente. He adds dirty water to the pot, forcing them to have to cook the beans longer so that the new water will be sterile. While they're waiting, it starts to rain and everyone, including Douche, goes under the shelter. The beans are way overcooked, burn, and most of them stick to the side of the pot inedible.

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Only 15 days have passed in this game so far, but apparently there's plenty to recap. Not because anything really interesting has happened, but because this show is afraid to put a new episode up during March Madness. We learn nothing new about the contestants who have already been kicked off, so I hope you weren't anticipating any Sandy scenes. We do learn that Sydney is more useful to her tribe than previously suspected, as she's actually able to start a fire where her male tribemates could not. Taj is less useful, because, although she interviews that she's all muscle and ready to kick challenge ass, mosquito bites reduce her to tears. It's pretty pathetic, but Stephen is there to give her supportive hugs, which is probably why she chose him to be her Exile alliancemate. Stephen continues to be awesome, calling Douche Steven Seagal (as does Tyson) and forming little-brother-type bonds with J.T. and Brendan. Over at Tempura, Douche is still a douche, ordering Sierra to build a fire and cook food by herself, conducting a non-existent orchestra, and telling stories about being attacked by snakes in the Amazon, thus proving that snakes are excellent judges of character. Tyson is self-consciously wacky as he flirts with Debbie and walks around camp naked. It's annoying and weird. Erinn remains Tempura's only saving grace, as she admits that she doesn't like anyone in her tribe and thinks that Douche is a big joke. And Joe remains boring and unremarkable. Let's hope the next 15 days are a lot more fun, with a lot less Douche.

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Welcome to a new season of Survivor, this time in Toucancheens, the highlands of Brazil. We've got two tribes of eight contestants each: the red Jalapeño tribe and the black Tempura tribe. Upon de-trucking, Probst forces them to vote out one member of their tribes based on first impressions, and Jalapeno kicks out Sandy the bus driver because she's old and Tempura takes out Sierra the blonde because she looks frail. Which she is, since she's still recovering from strep throat. Sandy and Sierra are very upset indeed until Probst tells them that the only thing they've been voted out of is the four-hour hike to camp. They take a helicopter instead while their tribemates hoof it and grow resentful. At the campsite, Sierra rejects a hidden immunity idol in order to set up camp and win over the people who tried to vote her out, while Sandy decides to look for the idol since there's nothing she can do to change her new tribe's mind about her anyway. In the end, she can't find it because she doesn't know what a "pace" or a "lone palm tree" mean and her efforts to search for it make her appear even more antisocial.

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Our contestants are reunited, and burning questions are not answered. Instead, we learn that GC almost skipped a challenge because he was looking for the Gabon Popeye's, Probst gives Susie absolutely no credit for making it to the end and getting so many votes, gorgeous Sugar is the audience favorite (but not enough to win the Player of the Game prize, which goes to Bob), Corinne is the audience least favorite and thinks that's something to be proud of, Randy is still bitter about the chocolate chip cookie but is also pretty funny (and, hilariously, brought six random strangers as his audience guests), Crystal really did win a gold medal, Ken recognizes that he got too cocky and that lead to his downfall and Ace still claims that his fake accent is legit. They run out of time before they can ask him about his current legal complications. See you next year when we go to Tecnolohoehhhchtins, Brazil!

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It's the end! Who will win? Not Ken, as he's voted out when Bob wins the immunity challenge (although not the fashion contest. Each contest got fabric and war paint to dress up as warriors. While Susie went gothic black and looked cool, Bob went red and almost naked. It was awkward.) and again refuses to give it to him, pointing out quite rightly that he wasn't about to give Ken immunity after finding out that Ken planned to turn around and vote him out. Ken goes out well, though, telling his former tribemates to have fun.

The next day, the Final Four pay their respects to their fallen tribes mates and then head to their final immunity challenge, where they have to build a house of tile cards ten feet tall. Sugar goes for speed over stability, building tall towers that collapse before they hit the ten foot mark. It soon becomes a race to get the highest tower before time's up, and Susie is in the lead before she smartly decides to stop building so as not to risk knocking her tower over. Meanwhile, Bob finally comes across an immunity challenge he can't win. Matty gets close, but in the end, Susie wins her second immunity challenge and a spot in the Final Three. Everyone is insultingly bummed out that Bob is going home tonight instead of Susie. Sugar can't bear to vote him out, since he reminds her of her dead dad. She decides to force a tie instead, pitting Bob and Matty against each other in a firemaking challenge. Bob wins it easily, putting him in the Final Three with Sugar, Susie, and Bob.

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Survivor celebrates Thanksgiving with a recap episode that's light on the never-before-seen clips and heavy on the boring summaries that barely scratch the surface or tell us anything new. In fact, there's more of the same Fang-bashing, including hating on Ken's choice to pick Kelly over Bob or Sugar in the tribe re-shuffle, a choice that proved to work very well in his favor in retrospect, something that was sorely lacking in this retrospective.

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Okay, if you're reading this because you didn't see the episode, stop right now and see the episode. This won't do it justice. The reward challenge is an auction. Sugar bids out of spite against Randy, jacking up the price on beers and peanuts and then outbidding him on peanut butter and chocolate when he only has $320 left. Then she tries to get everyone else to do the same. Thus, many things are won for $340. But since Ken sucks at auctions, Randy still manages to get some spaghetti. Ken gets all of Bob's money and sends him to Exile. The last item is a plate of cookies to share with the tribe. Randy wins it and offers a cookie to everyone. Sugar refuses to take one from him, but he won't let her give her cookie to Matty. Instead, it's split between Corinne and Matty. Randy offers Sugar the last cookie on the plate -- his -- and this time she does accept it. Only to give it to Matty! She hates Randy more than she likes cookies! Randy is furious.

While the Fang alliance decides that Bob should be the next to go, Randy tells Corinne about his new brilliant plan. He'll be even more awful than usual to turn everyone against him so they'll vote him off. But then he'll get the idol from Bob, who he hopes managed to find it at Exile. Bob, Randy, and Corinne will then vote Susie out. Randy is more than able to convince everyone to change their votes to him, and the Fangs know that there's no way Bob will get the immunity idol, so they're all set. But that's not enough for Sugar. Oh, no. You see, Bob took leave of his senses and told her about his fake idol, and she wants him to give it to Randy so he'll think he's got immunity, which will make his downfall all the more embarrassing. And that's exactly how it goes down.

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This was a doozy of an episode! Fang wants a merge, but there's a reward challenge first, where they see that Marcus was voted out. Corinne and Charlie are devastated, while Matty loves it. Fang wins another reward (although Randy does everything he can to destroy their chances) and go to a Gabonese village for food, baths, clothes, and dancing, and Randy deludes himself into thinking one of the villagers is attracted to him. They also send Bob to Exile Island, where he finds all the clues but can't find the idol, as Sugar already has it. So he fashions a pretty amazing fake one of his own, hoping it will somehow come in handy.

Then it's time for the immunity challenge, where the contestants are finally merged into one tribe and told that this challenge will be for individual immunity. It's a typical start a fire, burn a rope challenge, and only Susie and Sugar manage to start fires. Hilariously, Susie wins immunity. Susie is a challenge monster! Eat that, Corinne! The merged tribe will live at the cursed Fang camp, where they immediately set about plotting. It becomes clear that Sugar is the crucial swing vote, and she wants Randy gone more than anything. But the Kotas, led by Randy, want Crystal out, while the Fangs, led by Ken, want Charlie gone (because Ken hates Charlie for blowing up his hidden idol spot last week). Corinne thinks she can convince Sugar to vote with her by pretending to be nice for ten minutes, and Sugar plays along. As they leave for Tribal Council, though, she admits that she doesn't trust anyone and doesn't know who to vote for.

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The tribes are called to a meeting on the beach, which they all assume is the merge. There's a feast and everything, and Ken finds a clue to yet another hidden immunity idol, but is unable to grab the clue for himself before Charlie sees it, too. As soon as all the players are aware of the hidden idol, Randy and Marcus lead the charge to dig it up and throw it away, confident that they, in the new Kota Six, won't need such things against the Fang Four.

Too bad there is no merge -- the contestants pick rocks and find themselves reshuffled once again onto two separate tribes. The new Fang consists of Matty, Sugar, Randy, Corinne, and Charlie, while the new Kota is Bob, Marcus, Susie, Crystal and Ken. The old Kota Six are confident that their 3-2 advantage in both tribes will serve them well, but after Fang wins an endurance immunity challenge, thanks to Matty, the new Kota tribe's vote comes down to Ken vs. Marcus. Marcus decides to trust Crystal upon realizing that her cousin is his best friend and says he won't vote her out, but he does want her to vote out Ken.

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More of the same this week. Trouble is brewing at Kota, as Dan eats more than his fair share and everyone else is getting sick of it. But since they win both challenges again, it doesn't really matter. Plus, they catch a turtle and eat it for extra protein. Fang loses the reward challenge badly and Crystal continues to make all Olympians look bad by having to drop out of a challenge involving running and carrying a heavy weight. She cries at the loss, prompting Randy to make fun of her, which really pisses her off.

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Ah, Fang. Fang, Fang, Fang. After an elephant sighting provides the show with some filler time, the teams go to a fruit-throwing reward challenge where Kota wins a crappy herb garden and sends Sugar back to Exile "Island." And when they get back to camp, Dan goes on and on about how Fang is the "empire of evil," which doesn't do much to make the original Kota Kids think he's completely loyal to them now.

Back with the Fang Failures, GC gets all hot and bothered when Crystal jokes around with him to eat his rice and he accuses her of telling him what to do. He throws a temper tantrum and goes off in the kayak, which means when it's time to leave for the immunity challenge he's nowhere to be found. I was wondering what would happen if a contestant just didn't go to an immunity challenge, but I guess I'll never know because GC shows up at the last second and Fang goes to the challenge intact. There, they lose again because Ace doesn't know the difference between Randy and Sugar's voices. Sigh. Also, he got hit on the nose in both challenges this week and acted like a baby about it both times, so that was funny.

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Probst still hates Fang, even though in lieu of a reward challenge, both teams rank each other from top to bottom and the results create a tribe reshuffle. Marcus and Matty are ranked as most important to their tribes, so they become team captains. The new Fang is Matty, Crystal, GC (who was ranked hilariously low), Ken, Jacquie, Ace, and Kelly, while Kota has Marcus, Bob, Charlie (who is predictably thrilled to stay on Marcus's team), Corinne, Randy, Susie, and Dan. As for Sugar, as last picked, she'll stay on Exile until one team loses the immunity challenge and votes a member out. Then she'll join that team. Since she's already got the idol, she hangs out in the comfort zone and we never see her again this episode.

For the immunity challenge, Fang and Kota play each other in a water version of lacrosse that Kota manages to win with three goals to Fang's none, all somehow scored by Randy of all people.

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Despite what Probst wants us to think in the "previously on" segment, Fang is not the worst tribe that ever played this game. Far from it -- they win both the reward and immunity challenges, with Crystal finally getting a chance to show off her athletic ability and GC giving up halfway through just like he did last week. They send Sugar to Exile, where she promptly finds the immunity idol, making us think she might actually be intelligent, and then tells Ace she has it, showing us that she is not. When it comes time to vote the first member of Kota out, Paloma and Ace are on the chopping block.

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Survivor is back and in HD, all the better to see the many shots of random hippos with! 18 contestants are divided into two teams based on the age-old schoolyard pick method, then sent on a race for the individual immunity idol. But this time there's a catch: not only does the end of the race have the idol, but there's also a bag of corn and beans in it for the first team to get all members across. So players have to decide whether they want to work together and not go for the idol or be selfish and race for immunity.

Crystal, who won an Olympic gold medal four years ago for running, sucks out loud in the race, as does her team, Fang (pronounced Fong, or, alternately, Thong), which Probst takes great care to mention over and over again. The teams make their way to their new camps, where they find some cushy accommodations -- ramshackle huts -- and make friends. Except for Michelle, who hates everyone on the Fang tribe because they picked her last and are all "retarded." It's all sunshine and happiness at the other tribe, Kota, where Charlie has fallen in love with Marcus the most perfect man in the world. He's a doctor, he's open-minded, he's fit, he's attractive -- he's perfect! But not for Charlie, because he's straight.

Fang hopes to redeem their first loss at the immunity/fire challenge, but get stuck digging for puzzle pieces while Kota wins another one with the help of Bob the Most Amazing Physics Teacher Ever. At Fang's camp, it looks like the votes will come down to Michelle the Negative Nancy who openly hates everyone or Gillian, who's old. In the end, it's no contest: Michelle is voted out unanimously. And in other news, Probst basically forces the tribe to make GC their new leader. He doesn't want the position, but gives it a try until the next morning when Gillian objects to him washing his clothes in the middle of the night and waking her up. Then he quits as the tribe leader, and no one wants to step up to take his place.

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Last night's Survivor wasn’t bad at all. Yau-Man’s really beginning to prove himself as a competitor, not just some weak old man. While over at Ravu, Rocky’s mouth proved to have been opened one too many times.

Let’s recap.

So the dude got picked on a lot for being on the wimpy side ( I even went at him several times in my recaps). But alas, it’s time to let up on Anthony. Besides, everyone’s weak in some area. And born and raised in Compton, CA where he says he witnessed drive-bys and brains on the ground, he was still tough enough to come out of that and go on to graduate from Yale. I’d say that’s got to count for something. So come meet Anthony, see what he has to say about himself, Rocky, and the game in general.

Shireese: They really seemed to give you a hard time, did you enjoy yourself at all while you were out there?

Anthony: They didn’t show how much I actually did enjoy myself. It was the best time and the worst time.

Three cheers for the Survivor producers. They know a dud when they see one, and tag Survivor Fiji, you’re it! So it’s no surprise, or more like just one more piece of evidence that there is a God, when damn near at the beginning of the show, Jeff breathed out that now infamous game changing phrase, “Drop you buffs.” Then the commercial came. “The tribes of Moto and Ravu as you knew them are no more,” he picked up after the break.

Ha-lle-lujah! Ha-lle-lujah! Of course I’m singing the soulful version of Handel’s Messiah redone by the master of R&B himself, Quincy Jones, back in the 90’s, but I digress.

When it was all said and done, Anthony went out in true bitch fashion. No seriously, I checked under his shorts when he was taking his walk of shame. I saw panties; they said Thursday. Poor thing—how could he have known that his swan song would air on Wednesday instead.

Also in this episode, two new personalities began to emerge. Not that we haven’t already noticed them, but last night I got a new flavor to savor from these boys. I’m talking about Earl and Alex. And might I just add that Earl in the freaking man! Bet you anything he’s going to win. I just bet you.

Anyway, let’s do this!

Preempted by March Madness last week, this week’s episode has been bumped up a day for the same reason.

Don’t forget to tune in tonight at 8pm on CBS, then come back here tomorrow for the complete recap.

Still roughing it, the Ravu tribe was tired, starving, and delirious. But Earl and Yau-Man still had enough of their senses about them to realize they’re the only two tribe members that had clues to the idols whereabouts. With that knowledge in hand, they decided to work together.

Earl took the rest of the team out in search of food. And surprisingly, or maybe it shouldn’t be, on his command, everyone just upped and set out. Left alone, Yau-Man began to dig, and dig, and dig, and dig, but nothing.

Meanwhile over on the other beach, Moto was reading tree mail, which gave them a choice of reward in the event they won the next challenge. Items to choose from included necessities like fishing supplies, and accessories, like toiletries and a manual coffeemaker. Need I say which one they chose? Rocky, at Ravu was talking about choosing chocolate cake, but Earl put a quick stop to that. After he put his foot down, they chose fishing gear and potatoes. But would they get it for once?

He got sick, she got the boot, either way they both had to get out. Come see what Gary had to say about Sylvia, what Liliana had to say about being casted as a fiesty Latina, and what they both had to say about Lisi's coments.

Here they are...
Shireese: So once it settled in that you weren’t going to be in the game was that disappointing, or were you thinking I’m just happy I’m healthy?

Gary: Well it was very disappointing for me, because I wanted to make my kids proud of me and all that stuff. If I could have absolutely gone any further, I would’ve you know. But then I was a bit concerned. I got two granddaughters I want to see around for a while too. So when it’s spinning around for a while and you’ve never had that before, you get a little bit scared. As far as physically, I kept up. I upheld my end in all the challenges. I mean eatin’ the pig snout, that was a cake walk.

Shireese: How did that taste?

Survivor began with a bang last night as Ravu came back to camp pissed and Rocky exploded. But before we get into that, it’s at least nice to see that they’re not happy about the latest victim’s departure as is the case sometimes. Notice it’s been back to back to back women given the boot over there.

Ok, now back to the good stuff. So they were back at camp, Earl said they should talk about it, and Rocky went off on Anthony. I mean just a full on verbal assault. He irritates me he said. He bitches and moans he said. And worst of all Rocky said he didn’t “deal with people like that unless it’s a broad.” Hold up! Wait a minute! Isn’t this the same mutha…(shut my mouth) who was punked (and not the Ashton Kutcher way) into submission by Dreamz the first night on the island? He tried to stand up for himself but instead went off sulking like a baby by his lonesome. Please Rocky, you just found somebody weaker to pick on.

Found just three weeks before they headed out to Fiji, Sylvia Kwan was celebrating her son’s 18th birthday, when Survivor casting directors just had to have her for the show. Little did she know then, her decision to go would later make her famous for being bossy. Whether or not she’s bossy is debatable. But one thing’s for sure, this lady is hilarious. Come see what she had to say about being one of the older cast members, who she’s rooting for and whether or not she thinks she’s a boss.

This is Sylvia.

Shireese: I just want to start singing Kelis’ song right now. Have you heard of her? She has a single out called Bossy (laughs).

Sylvia: (laughs) You are so mean.

I said it before, and I’ll say it again. Nineteen people was way too many. It couldn’t be more evident than when after each episode is said and done, someone’s voted off and I’m kinda left feeling eh, who cares. Last night was no exception.

Maybe it’s the haves and have-nots concept that isn’t working. After all isn’t that the whole premise of the show, that they all have-not, and are struggling to have or at least sustain in an unfamiliar geographical location and social environment? Without that dynamic Moto, the haves tribe, just leaves you in a haze of boredom,--their only salvation, maybe, in Dreamz, the story of his former homelessness, and his potential to do something crazy like back in episode one. Sophomoric yes, but very entertaining.

Speaking of Dreamz, two good things did come out of this episode. Alex is looking better, and better, and Dreamz should never put on a shirt. Other than that, this season’s kinda chugging along like a road trip that takes you through the lone star state. You fall asleep a few times only to wake up each time and be like, “damn we’re still in Texas?” It’s just that in Survivor’s case, it’s like, “damn, we still got 15 more to go?” I can’t deny it, I was definitely longing for American Idol’s results show. So I ask you, is Survivor loosing it’s appeal, or is it still as engaging as ever?

Today I sat down with Erica that latest castoff from Survivor. See what she thought about, being backstabbed by Rocky, who she's rooting for, and what she tought about Earl.

Survivor fans, here's Erica!

Shireese: I guess I want to start off with Rocky, because I was so shocked that he totally backstabbed you. What did you think of that?

Erica: You know what, when I got a chance to look at it, I was really shocked. And it wasn’t so much him writing my name down. It was the campaign. Mookie kinda said it, which I expected that from Mookie, but he was the actual person that went out and campaigned.