Stephanie and some idiotic hat walk into the Speidi Web. Even Spencer mocks the cap. Does that lower me somehow? Steph stirs up shit by telling Spencer about Heidi seeing her old boyfriend. Spencer immediately sees through the ruse, yet remains miffed by it. Weak. Steph stirs up some more shit by asking if Spencer's still jeepin' with the (paid) other woman. He tells her it's none of her business and then is all, "Yeah, but I'll go do that now." Idiots! Steph tells him to be on his best behavior. Credits.

People's Rev. Lauren reports up to Kelly "HBIC" Cutrone's office. Kelly compliments her shirt, and there are about eight seconds of residual awkwardness. I suspect getting complimented by Kelly is like feeling a cool breeze kiss your neck right before someone punches it. You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. So Kelly tells Lauren they need to fix the Whit-less situation by hiring another intern. A whole gaggle of interns does not a full-time employee replace, but that's a professional philosophy that Ms. Cutrone and I obviously don't share. She asks if Lauren knows anyone at FIDM. Lauren's like, "Yeah, everyone I know... which is Stephanie Pratt." Kelly ominously warns Lauren to be careful with her referrals, especially if she plans to vouch for a friend. Ooooh! Story arc foreshadowing. Loving it.

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Previously, Heidi's sister Holly thought about moving to Los Angeles but Spencer didn't want her staying with them because, like most abusive partners, he wanted to isolate Heidi from her friends and family. Lauren dumped Doug the Dud, and Audrina told Lo that they would never be friends. And now they're all going to Vegas for Frankie's birthday!

Lauren, Stephanie, and Lo walk out onto the tarmac of a private airport so that they can take Doug's jet to Vegas. Either Stephanie or Lo voices everyone's thoughts when she says, "You broke up with a guy who has a jet?" Oh, frozen burritos. How you create ostentatious displays of wealth. Anyway, they all board Air Burrito, and have I mentioned that Stephanie has on the shortest skirt ever? Lauren mentions that Audrina and Justin Bobby are coming on a different plane. Like, another private plane? Or are they flying commercial? Anyway, Lauren looks stressed out about it. Brody douches a speech about how he's glad Stephanie is there because it's almost as good as having Spencer there. Stephanie, who was looking kind of hopeful that Brody was giving a toast to her, is crestfallen. Lauren looks like she has a headache. Oh, dear.

Vegas. The group arrives at their hotel in two limos and head to their rooms. Lo asks Lauren if she's going to make out with Doug or Brody tonight. Lo places her bet on Brody and Stephanie goes with Doug. Lauren doesn't think she'll make out with either of them, because she's "been there, done that." Lo has to up the drama by bringing up Brody's toast. Stephanie isn't sure why Brody has been telling Lauren not to trust her, and Lauren thinks Stephanie just has to prove him wrong. Stephanie looks confused. She's probably thinking about her hamster/guinea pig.

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People's Revolution. Whitney announces that she's going to New York the next day, and she and Lauren express surprise that things are happening so quickly with Whitney's new job. Lauren jokes that all Whitney can do is "pack lots of black." I feel like there's a euphemism in there somewhere, but I can't quite find it, so I'm just going to stick with the ever-popular "That's what she said." I don't know what that means. Whitney earns her paycheck for the week by turning the conversation to Lauren and Doug. Lauren admits that she's not that excited about Doug, and she's kind of over it, because there's no spark there. Whitney advises Lauren to end things, because it's not like a spark is just going to present itself at some future point. She even gives Lauren some talking points, which boil down to "It's not you, it's me." Lauren knows she should do it, but just doesn't want to have the conversation. Who does? Is there anyone out there who looks forward to the break-up conversation?

FIDM. Lauren meets up with Stephanie on a wall outside. Stephanie breaks the news that Spencer disowned her over the birthday party. The thing that cracks me up is this: wouldn't you be kind of devastated, or at least mildly upset, if a sibling got so angry with you that he or she disowned you? And yet, Stephanie talks like she's discussing the fact that the pizza place ran out of pepperoni, so she had to have a plain cheese pizza for dinner last night. Not that she eats carbs, but you get the point. I'm not sure if this is because A) the sibling in question is Spencer, and he sucks, or B) Stephanie kind of sucks, or C) this whole thing is fake so who cares? Probably D) all of the above, right? Anyway, Stephanie uses the opportunity to express how grateful she is that Lauren is still her friend and it's all kind of embarrassing because I actually kind of like Lauren as a character on this fake show but the adulation does get a little over the top.

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Lauren and Stephanie are at their FIDM (or whatever) class thing, and Stephanie is telling Lauren about having her birthday party in some stupid club, and Lauren's excited about going. She wants to bring a guy. "You have a guy in your life?" asks Stephanie, and Lauren tells her about Doug the injured baseball player. Stephanie says athletes are her favorite type of guy. Really? Not intellectuals? Huh. Is she going to invite Spencer and Heidi? She says something about "drama" following Spencer and Heidi. "I don't know if it follows as much as they chase it," says Lauren. I don't know which draft of the script they're shooting, but that's a good line, and "Drama Follows Them" is the title of the episode.

Doug and Lauren hit the Creperie, and Doug talks about how great Lauren looks, and she burbles something about wanting to find their prom pictures, and Doug is all "I have them!" ...only he found them at the Laguna house and not his house here. Fascinating! You guys only have to fill half an hour a week, and this conversation makes the cut? He asks how things are with Audrina. Lauren says Audrina and Lo had a little chat that was a "disaster" and he says everyone in her life is hectic. She tells him about Stephanie's birthday party, and he says he'll be there, and she hopes Spencer won't be. "Blood's thicker than water," he says, which I presume was the second choice for episode title.

Over at Epic Records, Audrina's pretending to work with Chiara, who acts all outraged about Lo's chat with Audrina, and Audrina is apparently going to the stupid birthday party, too.
At People's Revolution, Whitney natters on about Kelly, Robin and Emily coming to town to check on things, and she's going to a work dinner with them tonight. She's a little nervous and intimidated. "Do you have anything going on this week?" she asks Lauren, who tells her about the birthday party. "Are Spencer and Heidi coming?" asks Whitney, and Lauren says Stephanie said they weren't, which Whitney seems to think is bizarre. "I'm not even going to try to understand that relationship," says Lauren, which is good advice for everyone watching this show to follow about everyone ON this show.

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Last season, Lauren and Whitney got new jobs working for Kelly Crow-trone, who is no Lisa Love, but is still kind of awesome, especially in interviews where she seems totally bemused to be part of this show. Lauren, Lo and Audrina moved into a house together, and Audrina was feeling left out and contemplated moving into her own place. Lauren had a heart-to-heart with her, and Audrina confessed that she thought Lo was trying to break them apart. Which, by the way, Lo totally was, and I love Lo. Meanwhile, Heidi whatever and her job whatever and Spencer whatever. So Spencer moved back in and whatever.

Lauren and Whitney are at work, and Whitney asks how things are going at home. Going through racks of clothes is totally the new sitting in the fashion closet when it comes to Whitney asking Lauren about her life. Lauren says that Lo is helping her throw a birthday party for Audrina, and also Lauren has a date with a guy named Doug. We all know from reading the gossip sites that Doug is Casey from Laguna's brother, which is hilarious to me because Casey was such a goon. Anyway. Lauren went to prom with him, and they don't mention that Doug is a pro baseball player, so presumably he's either been playing college ball or playing in the minors and just moved back to L.A. And he asked Lauren out! She's excited; she tells Whitney that she hasn't been on more than one date with a guy since Heidi and Spencer set her up with Brody. Whoa. That's a dry spell. Whitney is shocked and she and Lauren giggle. Aw. I actually missed these two together.

Bolthouse. Heidi and Kimberly walk in. Heidi should really not wear skinny jeans. She has no fat on her body, but she's somehow still a little hippy and the skinny jeans don't work for her. Heidi says that her sister is coming to town for the weekend, but she's nervous because Spencer sucks. I mean, she has other reasons, but it boils down to the fact that Spencer sucks. Nice to know that some things never change. Also, Heidi is kind of to blame because she didn't tell Spencer that her sister was coming, and she didn't tell her sister that Spencer moved back in with her. So Heidi's plan is to get home early and play it casual. That should work well.

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We hit up The Hills premiere party last night at Gotham Hall to get a load of the action and chat with Lauren Conrad. We took a different approach to the questions this time around, giving Lauren mini-personality quiz questions to answer. And, after you check out her answers, scroll down for some more Audrina-esque scoop from the event.

Which Sex and the City character are you?
I'm a mix between Carrie and Charlotte. I think that I relate better to Carrie but I tend to be a little bit more reserved like Charlotte... And then I have days when I'm being really negative and I'm like, 'I'm being a Miranda.' If you're a guy hater that day you're like, 'Don't be Miranda.'

Who would play you in a movie of your life?
If I could pick someone I would pick an undiscovered actress.

Who would play your ideal man?
Oh boy! It would be Mark Wahlberg. Dreamy.

What kind of drink are you?
I am a glass of champagne. That's what I always drink.

Which Britney Spears are you? Young, innocent, bald, angry, party?
I think I'm the younger Britney. I don't think I'm that crazy.

Which Spice Girl are you?
Geri, definitely.

Which Disney princess are you?
Not Jasmine. I would be Sleeping Beauty.

And now, for Audrina...
Our favorite part of The Hills premiere party? No, it wasn't Mariah Carey. Instead it was the MIA factor of one recently naked Audrina. Sure, if you watched the show, you know she was always there when the cameras were rolling. But as soon as the cameras weren't on the girls, a publicist would grab Audrina and run her across the room before any press could swoop in and ask her about her nude pictures.

Obviously this was a good idea, as I'm sure those were the only types of questions Audrina would be asked, and I bet she didn't want to have to talk about the photos. Do you think this press escape plan upset her? Do you think she was embarrassed? Or is it all just part of the job? Leave your thoughts in the comments section!